6 things I thought I knew about adulthood at age 20 that turned out to be completely wrong

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6 things I thought I knew about adulthood at age 20 that turned out to be completely wrong

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  • My expectations of the working experience of adulthood have shifted radically since my 20s.
  • Here are the life lessons I've gained from six early beliefs that turned out to be completely wrong.

At 20, I believed that I was an adult and that I knew everything. You won't be surprised to learn that I was wrong on both counts.

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The older I get, the less I cling to perceptions from my youth. Many of the assumptions I took into my early adult life made me feel bad about myself because they were unrealistic, and I couldn't live up to them.

Here are six things I thought I understood about adult life when I was 20 that I now know, in my 50s, were off-base.

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1. Adulthood is easier than it's made out to be

1. Adulthood is easier than it's made out to be

The year I turned 20, I was a senior in college. I had learned everything I needed to know, clearly. There was no doubt in my mind that I would simply stride off my college campus and take the world by storm.

What I didn't know then was that adult life is actually a never-ending series of hills to climb. Adulthood isn't about knowing everything but being nimble and flexible enough to master the new challenges that come every day.

2. I am mature and without much need to grow

2. I am mature and without much need to grow

I don't want to hate on my 20 year old self. I was reasonably together, spunky, and willing to work hard. But I was so clueless.

In my early 20s, I was fired from my second job for boldly telling my boss I had too much respect for my clients to sell the ad agency's work, because I thought the quality had gone downhill. I was so surprised when I got fired the next day. After that, I began to catch a clue that life is better when I am able to see things from other people's perspectives.

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3. It's imperative to find your soulmate and get married early

3. It's imperative to find your soulmate and get married early

Don't tell anyone, but I spent my high school years wolfing down Harlequin romance novels. This gave me a slightly warped sense of relationships.

I assumed my first serious boyfriend would be my guy forever. We would get married and have kids early. I call this my "White Picket Fence" fantasy.

This plan hit a snag when our relationship ended when I was 20. It hit another snag a few years later, when I came out as a lesbian. No picket fence for me – same sex couples couldn't even get married at that time.

Life, in its usual unpredictable way, came full circle. I did meet my soulmate (just not in my 20s), and I'm actually grateful my wife didn't know me at 20. That girl was a jerk.

4. The best part of life is your 20s, and it's all downhill after that

4. The best part of life is your 20s, and it's all downhill after that

The hardest birthday of my life was the day I turned 30. I was not rich and famous and now I was too old to be a prodigy. I was crushed.

When I was 20, I assumed I would achieve amazing things at a young age. This seemed like a totally reasonable goal.

In the end, turning 30 was the best thing that happened to me. Each decade since my 20s has been better than the one before it. If I had a chance to go back and be 20 again, I wouldn't do it.

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5. My career was laid out in front of me

5. My career was laid out in front of me

When I was seven, I decided I would be a writer. When I was 20, I was still sure I'd become a (famous) writer.

Except I didn't. I applied to an ad agency hoping to write ad copy, but I got a job as an account rep instead. I thought I would write the Great American Novel in my free time, but I was too exhausted, when I wasn't working the second job I took to pay my student loans.

My writing career, like much of the rest of my working life, has been a series of twists, turns, and opportunities that I couldn't have anticipated. Sometimes, I still wonder what I'll be when I grow up. I hope I figure it out before I retire.

6. Fame and acclaim are in my future

6. Fame and acclaim are in my future

When I was about 10, I had the thought that I might grow up to be a mother and housewife, like my mother. I quickly dismissed this as impossible. I was definitely going to be rich and famous.

At age 20, I still clung to this belief. If I'm honest, many (ahem) years later, I continue to struggle with the feeling that I'm a failure at life because I'm not rich and famous. The problem with this goal is that, no matter what I do achieve, I hold it up against what I think I should be doing and come up short.

Someday, I'll grow out of this, too.

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