Five Indian startups that are so ridiculous they really shouldn’t exist

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Look. I know startups are the flavour of the season what with everyone realising how they’re meant to start their own company and not sit behind a desk all day ranting about the weather, traffic and startups (like I’m doing here) but it’s time we accept that enough is enough, all right?

Not every idea you have while you’re showering is worth turning into a living breathing company and through this article I intend to highlight just that.

Granted, we have become slaves to technology which when combined with our already acute laziness creates an attraction so fatal that we become paralysed to our bed and download apps that can do anything and everything that we could’ve done in the first place had we just moved an inch.

So, we download Grofers (RIP PepperTap) and order our groceries home instead of going to the supermarket like a normal person and smelling our watermelons as we buy them (wait, is that normal? ) or use UrbanClap to find ourselves an electrician or plumber instead of running around the entire colony asking for leads.

Okay, I might’ve exaggerated a bit in that last paragraph. Sure, some start-ups and their apps actually make lives easier for us, especially like the time I got watermelons delivered home through Grofers and didn’t have to smell them before buying.

Having said that, I would also like to address the fact that shit has hit the roof when it comes to the frequency of start-ups popping up every other day; I bet, there’s a new startup in Bangalore after every five minutes. Or seconds. I’m not sure.

Apart from the fact that most of the existing start-ups are just copies of some other startup and very rarely have any distinguishing factor, there is also a fraction of start-ups that are just plain ridiculous and if I had my way, (which I don’t) they wouldn’t exist. We can't afford to be this lazy, seriously.

And, hence, here’s presenting to you a list (are you surprised?) of five startups that are basically ridiculous ideas.

1. Bookmybindi: claims to be the world’s first bindi portal which aims to celebrate the bindi. The founders claim that they have designs to match seasons, festivals, moods for ladies, children and even (wait for it)‘ tikkas’ for the metrosexual male. One can either customise their bindis with their pre-designed options or choose from their Silver, Gold, Platinum and Diamond collections. Incase, I haven’t mentioned the bindis in question, are expensive as hell.

Remember the days when all you had to do is use your legs and go to your neighbourhood cosmetic store to get a packet of bindis for just 20 rupees and didn’t even in your wildest dream think that it was plausible or possible to have a website dedicated entirely to booking bindis that cost Rs 4999? Good times.

2. Bookmysmoke: Another winner when it comes to appropriate naming, Bookmysmoke is a friendly website that encourages your hookah addiction by letting you hire shisha by the hour and even goes as far as delivering it to your house. The good folks that they are, they also throw in extra magic coals and additional flavoured chillam for a price.

Wait, are you waiting for me to explicitly point out how ridiculous this is? Does Colaba Causeway not exist? Exactly how urban poor are you that you cannot just go and buy one instead of having to rent it? God alone knows how many mouths these shishas have seen.

3. Bookmyballoons: This website lets you book helium balloons online and will also deliver the same to your homes. Additionally, they also boast of any other party supplies and packages you might need for any celebration, including a three hour face painting package. It costs only Rs 2,500. No big deal.

P.S- These people know right that shops are not a myth and actually exist? And, on most days they do have balloons? Just thought I’d check.

4. Bookmypandit: Someone please make me understand why would one need to open their laptop or computer (incase they’re urban poor), log in to the internet and feel compelled to book a pandit for a puja online when India is made up of 90% temples (only trying to make my point) which already have pandits in abundance? How about you take a walk to your neighbourhood temple and find a pandit yourself?

They also have an E-Puja option. Is that a thing now? What is an E-Puja? I’m angry now.

5. Evokio: Evokio is India’s first of a kind subscription based weekly service that will organise/fold your laundry and dry-cleaning, do house-cleaning, household shopping for groceries and other chores for a price. Basically, they ‘re open to doing anything and everything you ask them to do- right from cheque drop-offs, bill payments or sending flowers/gifts to your loved ones. (Because nothing says I love you more than buying flowers/gifts for your loved one but being lazy enough to not give it to them on our own)

This is heights of laziness. If you can’t fold your own clothes, the earth can’t stand you being a human. Sorry.

To conclude, here's some food for thought- These services exist only because there's a need in the market. And, we're the ones creating that need with our laziness. Let today be the day you step out of your home and do one thing without relying on the internet or apps. All the best!

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