<img class="gwt-Image" src="/photo/48972167.cms" />‘Heylo everyone!’
 

	Everyone looked up. The secretary looked up. The deputy secretary looked up and so did the assistant secretaries and the associate secretaries. Well, if the secretary looks up, the others had better not keep their head down as this is what gives a wrong signal and allows supersession in offices. The secretary then asked me to go to the reception and meet his secretary. ‘Well, this is quite a wonderful world here,’ I said, ‘full of secretaries.’
 

	No answer.
 

	I walked out and asked the secretary of the secretary if he was indeed the secretary of the secretary and he said, ‘I am indeed.’
 

	‘So tell me,’ I said, ‘why is the sensex so dependent upon whatever happens in China today?’
 

	‘Ask the secretary.’
 

	‘But you’re the secretary.’
 

	‘I’m only the secretary to the secretary and not the secretary.’
 

	The way the PMO and, in fact, all these government offices function can be quite harrowing for simple folk like me. But this was more than just harrowing… I felt I was inside a pitch-black pipe and rolling with no chance of ever stopping. No wonder they say that the government is invariably rolling well or rolling back something or the other or heads are rolling. Rolling is quite a popular activity in the PMO as well. Do well and you’re on a roll… slip once and see your head roll. The people there role-play. They know their role well and roll in tandem. And thus the government rolls… and often like a roller-coaster, going higher and higher and then doing a noisy free-fall, but always rolling. It rocks and rolls too, really speaking. Rolling is what it does well other than rocking.
 

	And this leads us to rocking. Each of the services has their own rock throwers who do their job well. We’ve just being seeing one long rocking-battle between the defence guys and the civil services… operation OROP, as one veteran told me once. The common chant all over all the ministries is: ‘Rock their boat! Rock their boat!!’ The PMO, I discovered, is no less. They are adept at rocking boats in office and even after they have retired. Read the books that they write (which have, of course been written while they were in service and pretending to do some really complex fiscal jogging to help the nation afloat) and you’ll know how popular the sport of rocking is in a sarkari environment.
 

	Come on now, the government isn’t just about the babus and also has its roles shared by the netas. Though many of them prefer to roll than walk, but that being only an outcome of their physical attributes, they need to be adept at rocking as well. And the opposition is always rocking the decision-making abilities and bill-passing of the party in power. Ironically, the party in power believes they are rock stars and have a rocking performance.
 

	This is so confusing… but Specky, my wife thinks otherwise. She told me the other day that most of these rock stars in our parliament would look up and scan the skies if their leader were to suddenly shout, ‘Rock it!’ So I asked her if a command to ‘rock on’ will probably get them scurrying to manage a guitar!
 

	But let me not digress and let my thoughts not play second fiddle to any other thoughts that our bureaucracy and our politicians light up so easily. I had gone to the PMO to ask them about what the nation needs to do.
 

	The secretary to the secretary heard the word nation and looked up, ‘Ah! What the nation needs to know is that the rupee is like an iceberg, still afloat. Icebergs never drown.’
 

	‘Noble thought,’ I said, and immediately wrote a few lines sitting on a chair in the PMO…
 

	An appeal to the market 
	 

	how much further will the market fall

	for how long shall the Bulls now crawl

	the Sensex that once made me glad

	piles figures and emotions that are bad

	I know this cycle of bad and good

	is a combo of could, would, and should

	but it is time for the fiscal roll to stop

	to hop the chop and pop the drop

	it is time for life to have some bounce

	without fiscal fear ready to pounce!
 

	As I was leaving, I decided to let my readers know that the PMO that I went to was some Prime Merry-making Office that every government office really is.
 
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A comedian in the PMO

<img class="gwt-Image" src="/photo/48200204.cms" /> What is more offensive and derogatory – a name that is spoken with some affection though sometimes with ignorance wrapped around, or the <a href="http://www.businessinsider.in/searchresult.cms?query=Shiv+Sena">Shiv Sena</a> asking Biharis, workers from UP and Gujarati businessmen to leave their ‘amchi Mumbai’? Or people in J&amp;K, the NE, and a few other regions calling you ‘Indian’ when you go to these places as tourists? Or the Government in the Centre giving step-motherly treatment to governments in the States and UTs that are under the rule of some other political party? Or the LG of Delhi saying he is the government in Delhi? Or contest losers on twitter calling me ‘buddha’ and asking me to leave some contest winnings for them? Or words like ‘bong’, ‘punju’, ‘gujju’, ‘madrasi’, ‘sambhar’, ‘chinky’, ‘thulla’, ‘tambi’, and ‘sulla’ directed towards people from one community or the other? 
 
Let me first tell you about an incident that I remember from my days in the Indian Military Academy where we had a sikh friend who was in our course but a couple of years elder and had streaks of grey hair. To top it all he was fond of staying away from pranks and troubles and was forever talking about ethics and remaining on the good side of the law. At some stage someone must have called him ‘buds’ which is like calling a 20-something a grandpa. No, I never called him buds but I did wonder then, as I do now, if there was anything offensive in the word. Most of us loved him and so buds as a form of address reflected affection. But this sikh Gentleman Cadet, despite all his wise outpourings was invariably peeved and did not appreciate his being called buds. I haven’t met him after we left the IMA and so I hope he either got acclimatised to this pet name, if I may call it that… or people just stopped calling him buds in his regiment. 
 
If you think this kind of renaming happens only in India, look beyond our borders and hear ‘paki’, ‘negro’, ‘nigger’, or declared slurs like ‘bin laden’, ‘jehadi, and ‘cabbie’ for Arabs, or ‘jew’ during the nazi heydays, or ‘nazi’ now, or ‘bindi’, ‘desi’, and ‘patel’ for Indians, or ‘dubya’ and ‘jarhead’ for Americans, ‘bubba’, ‘pus’, and ‘gora’ for the whites, ‘nacho’ and ‘taco’ for the Spanish… so from ‘Alibaba’ to ‘zipperhead’ our world is full of interesting innuendoes that need not necessarily spend their lives being calibrated as offensive words. 
 
These are the words that have made life just so much more interesting and injected with laughter… banning them or shunning them is like Modi taking offense to his 56 inch chest quote getting pulled apart and minced to prove some point or the other. 
 
The other day Arvind Kejriwal referred to the Delhi policeman as a ‘thulla’ and everyone from Bassi to the media howled with displeasure. Come on, we’ve all had umpteen names for Kejriwal and ‘aaptards’ for his party is probably more known than even ‘thulla’. I decided to know more about the word ‘thulla’ and the first interesting derivation was offered by the <a href="https://sites.google.com/site/brfdictionary/glossary/t/thulla">BRFDictionary</a> on the net that said: “The term is used to denote a stereotypical slow moving police constable with a big gut. The origin of this term has to do with the word for a sack made of jute fiber, which is "thula" in some languages in the Eastern part of India. As it happens, police constables in many states in India are issued a brown starched uniform that looks like it was made from a sack. Hence the word for "jute sack" was morphed into slang for "police".” By the way, our policemen aren’t just ‘thullas’ but are also ‘mamas’ and ‘pandus’… and our Bollywood movies make sure that we don’t ever forget these dear words. The online dictionary for Hindi words was predictably less brave and avoided any reference to this word which is ridiculous because the word is as much a part of the language as any other and deserves a place in history… I mean, do we just let lovely and much used (sometimes abused) words fade away and disappear? 
 
I don’t think it is great idea to go guns blazing at all these forms of address that we classify as slur words… let them live their lives, accept them, and soon enough you’ll know that like ‘Uncle Tom’, ‘spook’, and ‘shine’ every word becomes a part of the glorious history of civilization. 
 
The story of Chinky, Thulla, and Tambi is as interesting as is the story behind any other word in any other language and thus needs to be kept alive. 
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The story of Chinky, Thulla, and Tambi

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Yes, we’re somewhere between the future and the past. We are no longer madly in love with democracy and yet we do not know what else to adopt or where to go. Democracy has been here for years and trumpeted its case against other known forms of governing rather well… and this is why these other forms have slowly shrivelled and some have died. The people in the countries where these other forms of government exist seem to be either too afraid or have failed to grasp the futility of what they are following. 
 
Communism, socialism, monarchy, anarchy, and feudalism have all had their day and the sun has either set on these forms or the darkness isn’t far away. But democracy continues as if there is no more any need for any evolution in the form of governing that humanity has known. 
 
The political and social thinker may or may not agree but I think democracy has some rather strange sub-forms that exist subtly or not so subtly. For instance, we see goon democracy in Uttar Pradesh, gangster democracy in those states where Naxalites are active… then there are forms like walk-out democracy that exists in our parliament and assemblies, the famed dharna democracy in Delhi, or indeed even the vyapam democracy in Madhya Pradesh. There is ludicrous democracy, joker democracy, biased democracy, and even chameleon democracy… and you can find them all if you only care to look closely. 
 
Only today a friend wrote on Facebook that “the poor, with no resources, are afraid anyway. Those earning respectable amounts, the literate &amp; enlightened are most fear-stricken, spineless before the corrupt, the wily, and the mafia. These can only voice idealism in small circle/ online community. They are shy and afraid being ridiculed as impractical idealists/ bravehearts.” Well, there you are… the common man in the virtual world has already begun expressing his disillusionment with the sort of democracy that he experiences day in and day out. This has surely the chromosomal strength to bring about some form of universal positive mutation to the myriad forms of democracy that have mushroomed today. The common feature in all forms of democracy is the alienation of not just wealth and prosperity from the majority of its subjects, but the absolute absence of coherent and workable education and the freedom to participate in decision-making. Despite all theoretical claims, the present form of democracy is not what it claims to be… and has tended to encourage only a spurt in corrupt practices where claiming to be is considered better than really being. Even Bertrand Russell, in ‘New Hopes for a Changing World’, writes: “Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man, and our politicians take advantage of this prejudice by pretending to be even more stupid than nature made them.” Therefore, a change is obvious. 
 
This change that restlessness initiates isn’t too far away. This time, it is not the thinker who will propose and accept a concept… it is the common man (from the entire socio-economic matrix) who will indeed first set an example of NOT BEING CORRUPT. The powerful and the decision-makers are destined to play second fiddle and be followers of the common man. If this is the way social evolution is destined to be then I'm afraid, we are going to see an end of the present form of government and the way we are governed. This is quite like picking the gun up to put the gun down… or letting the present powers know that it is “the first duty of a man is to think for himself.” (José Martí) 
 
When Aristotle said: “Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime,” he did not probably realise that one day poverty in his quote will mean a degradation of ethics and acts that deliberately avoid decisions that introduce transparency in everything that is done. But as I said earlier, all this has been uncovered now and quite a lot of people know the truth of the untruth that is fed to them. Yet we are between the future and the past because nothing can happen until everyone knows. 
 
(Image: Author) 
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Between the future and the past

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Oh yes, we’re all worried about our LPG subsidy. Will the government’s ad blitz finally convince us all to give it up or will our will to hold on to small benefits be the ultimate victor? When I asked Specky, my wife, she smiled and replied, ‘The important question is if giving up our LPG subsidy entitles us to brag about our sacrifice on Facebook, Twitter, and all the other social media platforms?’ Well, her perception isn’t entirely wrong, considering that even our PM loves to upload loads of selfies that seem to give him a positive projection. 
 
Life is all about projections indeed. Look at our politicians. They love to have the entire country weep for their state of poverty. So they wail, they whine, and they grovel until they’re allowed to get together and howl for a raise in their pay package or another allowance or yet another subsidy for themselves. They are, after all, the brains behind all the complex legislation that is planned for every parliamentary or assembly session. It is a different matter that the opposition never allows sessions or blocks legislations or they themselves make sure that the right laws remain dormant. It isn’t their fault that the economy of the country is in a perpetual state of coma though they insist that it dreams of a great spike in growth. Dreams matter because it is their job to sell dreams. 
 
The government dreams of boosting their reserves by making the common man give up his LPG subsidy. Do they forget that even the common man now dreams of seeing his MP or MLA give up their subsidies… well, at least a few if not all from a large list that includes cars, petrol, housing, electricity, telephone, helpers… and lest we forget, their demand for a raise. How about returning in value the years of having sumptuous food at the parliamentary canteen at a subsidised cost? I’m sure one of them will get up and say, ‘Listen, it was that subsidy that probably gave my brothers the idea that Rs 32 per day is enough to keep the urban poor above the poverty line.’ Ah yes! I now remember that our rural poor dip lower to Rs 26 per day… I guess a family of four can have rice and dal at the parliamentary canteen for this amount, right? Dreams of our parliamentarians are as crude as this. But we really need to see the good things in their deliberations. 
 
Our legislatures work hard on the issue of subsidies. I’m sure their excel sheets with the data of friendly corporates who donate generously to their party is what determines which of them get how much subsidy benefits… and you thought it is some core sector that qualifies for it? How daft can you be, my dear common man to even dare to have such absurd thoughts. 
 
We have some really brainy people walking the haloed corridors of our parliament and assemblies as they are the ones who understood what Sigmund Freud wrote in ‘Civilization and Its Discontents’: ‘Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.’ So they simply transposed such gems on to even our education policy and decided that most people do not actually want real education because education involves responsibility and they’re all afraid of it. Well yes, we have millions of people who have been forced to accept an ‘education subsidy’ that is, exit one class and enter a higher one without knowing what was really happening. All they have is a rather vague sense of education that report cards and certificates give. Yes sir, we’re all victims of ill-planned subsidies. 
 
Did you know that Noam Chomsky wrote that ‘everyone’s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there’s really an easy way: Stop participating in it.’ Do you think that this game of ill-placed subsidies has been going on for a long time now and that the common man must decide to stop participating in it? Do you think we need to begin by universally rejecting the LPG subsidy… unless the politician too has the initiative and the courage to give it all up and prove that selfless service isn’t just lip service that has gone on for decades now? Do you think that instead of just posing question, we now need to get up and tell the politician, ‘Give it up dammit or…’ 
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Everyone's worried about subsidy

<img class="gwt-Image" src="/photo/46850403.cms" />Yes, CEOs aren’t hermits carrying a Hasselblad, wearing a Tissot, driving a Jaguar, and partying on a private yacht. They interact with people and technology and know how to get the best of both worlds by strategically using one in convergence with the other. Strategy isn’t a solo sport for sure. 
 
However, the days of CEOs yearning for a super device that is a computer, a personal tutor, a library, a movie theatre, and a game console in one are over. Smartphones even for the hoi polloi have these functions. Come on now, CEOs need technology to make their life and bottom lines better, easier, and somewhat more exclusive, don't they? And frankly, owning a 414-foot yacht that boasts of helicopters, a submarine, and enough space to throw unrestrained, celebrity-packed parties sounds so much better than fast cars and military planes, but it isn't that something that makes people remark: 'He can surprise anyone with technology that he carries in his pocket!' Well, the only technology that CEOs love is the technology that makes their managers and workers get the best results with minimal hassles. 
 
Yes, CEOs are magicians who come endowed with the vision to adopt technology even as everyone else is looking at it with suspicion. More than that, CEOs with a vision know the importance of empowering their work-force with the most appropriate technologies which can be but isn’t necessarily the smartest. 
 
So, they would surely want their managers to go about with some device like the Samsung Galaxy Tab Active that is a toughie that comes with NFC built in, a 3-pin pogo connector to quickly and easily connect a group of devices and charge them all at once, a bar-code scanning solution, is slim, light, and premium but yet withstands a 1.2 metre fall, comes with the assurance of IP67 dust and water-resistant certification, a 4,450 mAh power workhorse that doesn’t dream of stopping before 10 hours, and a capacitive stylus that is tougher than the conventional ones. The CEOs might also want the iPhone users in their company to go for the Mophie Space Pack, an iPhone 5/5s case that not only extends battery life with its 1700mAh battery, but also acts as a portable hard drive, giving 64GB of additional storage. By the way, I know there will be CEOs and people at the top who would love using smartphones launched by Gionee… those that do not cost a bomb but have all desirable features that are usable. After all, it is an exclusiveelife that everyone looks forward to, if you know what I mean. All I am trying to say is that great CEOs never shy away from the newest trends in technology and want their people to adopt them fast. 
 
Moreover, the visionary CEOs would want their staff to use less paper and put more byte into their day. Yes, they create an environment with technology woven in and make the best people decide to stay on and give their best. Showbiz isn’t the keyword here. We have examples of people like David Karp, the founder of Tumblr and having a net worth of at least $200 million, who rides to work on a Vespa. 
 
Technology isn’t a million dollar diamond lapel-pin brought in to get all the Oohs and Aahs in a celebrity party. It is simply a tool that works and makes work smarter, easier, and a lot more adaptable to diverse conditions and norms. It is easy to get carried away and introduce frivolous technologies in corporate environment. Bottom lines do not need technology dancing the cancan on a ramp. Profits come when adopted technology is like the vocabulary of R L Stevenson – precise and competent. Technology is the new-age grammar of corporate success. More technology and less of fashion tantrums is what will keep the bottom lines floating. 
 
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CEOs know that strategy isn’t a ‘solo’ sport

<img class="gwt-Image" src="/photo/46677311.cms" /> Our parliament is always a hub of super activity and its corridors are places where power dialogues flow unimpeded and with a nonchalance that you find only in a Nargis Fakhri gliding on the aisle in a Suneet Verma creation! Yes, there is something stunningly accentuated when two politicians talk… especially if they happen to be from the opposite camps. 
 
Imagine one from the ruling party and one from the opposition, both flaunting their Nehru cap as if this is what makes them the real nation lover and nation builder, standing beside one of the over-powering pillars of the Upper House, trying not to see each other in the eye when their phones ring. 
 
Ding-a ling a-ling… Ding-a ling a-ling goes one. 
Tra-la-la-la-la…laaaa… Tra-la-la-la-la…laaaa goes the other. 
 
One pulls out the Galaxy S6 and the other a Galaxy S6 edge. Both mumble into their phones and once their calls are over, the one with the S6 Edge, let’s call him RP or ruling party, says, ‘I got this from Barcelona.’ 
 
The neta from the opposition, let’s call him OP, responds, ‘Ah! I thought so. I bought it from a friend in the ruling party.’ 
 
RP wanted to go deeper into this intrigue but restrained himself and asked, ‘The aam aadmi must know that we have an edge over you, you see.’ 
 
OP, pretending not to hear, said, ‘We are sewaks. Removing corruption is our dharma. The S6 really represents this emotion because I call it a marvel of social technology.’ 
 
RP: ‘Marvel of social technology? Is there any such bill pending in the house?’ 
 
OP: ‘Look, we are both holding a concept that reflects the glory of India and I want people to be like this smartphone… smart and pure individuals.’ The neta then excitedly turned his phone around a few times and added, ‘No nasty plastics and no faux leather looks here. Just a finely and delicately crafted eclectic convergence of a metal chassis with glass covering the front and back that makes it ooze fathoms of character.’ 
 
RP too revolves and rotates the phone and says, ‘I love the shimmer. India shining it is, for sure. Achche din, definitely.’ He then thinks for a while and responds, ‘The back panel is not removable and the same goes for the battery. I think I will agree with you for once… this feature is all about the character of people who do not change colours at the drop of a hat, so to say.’ While the two were discussing the design aspects, what they missed out was that Galaxy S6 comes in four colors: black, white, blue, and gold and the Galaxy S6 edge in green instead of blue. 
 
OP: ‘Talking of batteries and the fact that we can charge the phone to 50% in 30 minutes because of the fast-charging technology shows that moving ahead fast is the only way for us.’ 
 
RP: ‘Well, I love the fact that the cable charger gives me two hours of HD video playback after just 10mins of charging.’ This neta then added that though his phone had a slight battery advantage (2600mAh against 2550mAh), but it was the Exynos 7420 64-bit octa core with 3 GB RAM that made the battery perform so well. He said, ‘We are like the processors of these phones. The nation gets more for less, in a way.’ He then added, ‘Let me now tell you about my mann ki baat which is about all the black money and these Swiss Bank accounts.’ 
 
The man from the ruling party then clarified that the government was actively pursuing the matter with eyes both in front as well as at the back of the head. He likened this to the front and back cameras of the Galaxy S6 and S6 edge and added, ‘These 16MP and 5MP cameras with OIS and f/1.9 mean images that are sharper, brighter and free of shakes. Like these camera properties, our government is going to present the truth as a high resolution output.’ 
 
OP could do nothing but smile as the camera did represent the same attitude for them as well. He did mumble something about their government having been rather friendly to investors… and RP responded, ‘Yes, this smartphone also reflects the plans we have for the investor. Setting up business is going to get faster and easier which the Touchwiz UI of the S6 edge has. This UI has cut all unnecessary steps and now there are fewer confirmation dialogs to deal with. As a user I am happier.’ 
 
OP: ‘So am I. I mean our MPs too have businesses and many want to set up new ones and so this is great news. By the way, our government too favours steps that encourage investment.’ 
 
RP: ‘You do, do you?’ He then lovingly stroked the S6 edge in his hands and added, ‘Look at the screen that is slightly curved on both sides. This makes it easier to watch video since the screen wraps over the side. You know this means we don’t want to miss identifying any problem that the people face. I’m glad I have the edge with me.’ He either didn’t know or did not remember to inform his friend from the opposition that the S6 edge also had a ‘People’ panel that shows all favourite contacts with notifications sliding out from the side. The phone is indeed politically friendly and a social marvel, as he had mentioned earlier. 
 
Well, our netas standing and talking about technology actually means that achche din aren’t far. I guess it will not be incorrect to say that technology, politics, and the nation in a mood of convergence is a sign that all is well! 
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The ruling party and the opposition on Galaxy S6

The activist in BJP: Sudhanshu Mittal

<img class="gwt-Image" src="/photo/46440815.cms" /> There is variation, colour, and uniqueness in death that indoor pollution brings with it. Things that you have fallen in love with and think you cannot live without can sometimes enter your life to take it… and this isn’t a hyperbole. Look at perfumes, hair sprays, furniture polish, glues, air fresheners, moth repellents, wood preservatives synthetic materials for building and furnishing and you’ll know what I am talking about. Then there is use of chemical products, pesticides, and household care products that help you transform your home into a swachch home but certainly not a safe home. These are all modern day symbols of the immortal art of Da Vinci as our print and AV ads would want us to believe, but they inch us closer to death in more than one way. 
 
You taste, touch, or inhale and you’ll know what I mean when I call them the Da Vinci of death. Even the smoke from biofuels emits the four dreaded pollutants like the particulates, carbon monoxide, polycyclic organic matter, and formaldehyde… and these aren’t innocent spirals of smoke lending that unique flavour to chapatis and dal. With architects now recommending relatively airtight houses even in India (as we have begun to afford air conditioners and radiators etc) the pollutant level is bound to increase because of the resultant reduction in ventilation. 
 
As I sat mulling over these grim facts, my thoughts decided to play a little game on me and asked, ‘Any favourite pollutions that you think should be flogged?’ 
 
Without wasting a moment, I said, ‘Noise pollution. Political pollution. Indoor pollution.’ 
 
‘Aha!’ said my thoughts, ‘so you don’t think outdoor pollution is as bad as the three you’ve mentioned.’ 
 
‘I didn’t say that, did I?’ I said, ‘but I must admit that indoor pollution can induce infections, initiate lung cancer, and even pulmonary diseases like asthma.’ My thoughts then asked me to choose five Bollywood icons and guess how they would react to this simple question: ‘Do you fear indoor pollution?’ 
 
So, there I was sitting on an inexpensive chair in my sparsely decorated home and zipping over to people like Alia Bhatt, Amjad Khan or Gabbar, Sunny Leone, SRK, and Amitabh Bachchan to hear the famous actors say something in their own way. 
 
Well, Alia Bhatt asked me to repeat the question and then clapped her hands and said, ‘I don’t fear anything but do send me an invite for the event.’ 
 
‘Event?’ I asked, confused. 
 
‘Well yes, you did mention pollution and indoor… remember?’ said Alia, cocking her head, smiling, and adding, ‘I think you’re talking about an indoor event and if it is like that AIB Roast, it is going to be fun. Such events must be purified by smiles.’ Well, so that was a rather short interview with Alia and she wasn’t really wrong… we need to begin with a confident smile before we take any action against indoor pollution. Right? 
 
Gabbar was in his elements when I met and simply walked up and down the room before asking, ‘Kitne pollution hain?’ 
 
I said, ‘Sardar, ek… sirf indoor pollution hai.’ 
 
‘Toh fir darr kaisa?’ Gabbar roared, ‘mera naam le lo aur phir sau saal tak pollushun kuch nahin karega!’ 
 
I’m sure what Gabbar was really trying to tell me was that no pollutant ever exists without another killer instinct being born. Just search for this solution and indoor pollution will be easy to counter. 
 
I found myself with Sunny Leone and she just fluttered her eye-lids and coo-ed, ‘Well, lots of women call me an indoor pollution, and I know I’m deadly. Fear means nothing if you have your own action plan.’ 
 
That’s it… I murmured and thanked her because she had clearly told me that only a well-defined and technologically sound action plan would help. 
 
So, I then hopped over to SRK who just ‘humph-ed and hurr-ed! me aside and then taking off his shirt to show me some flabby abs, said, ‘I don’t fear no one. Indoor or outdoor. Poll or no poll. I shun them all. I have to rush to make another flop… bye!’ Well, I interpret this scurried answer as a warning that indoor pollution isn’t something that must be allowed to stay on and cause all those headaches, dry eyes, nasal congestion bouts, nausea, and fatigue… just act fast! Speed is of essence. Obviously then, indoor pollution must not be your guest for life… it could be devastating indeed! 
 
When I asked Sr Bachchan the same question, he replied, ‘Babu ji would have quoted these lines from one of his poems.’ And then he recited two lines before leaving me with my thoughts. 
 
ऐसा सुनता, उस पार, प्रिये, 
ये साधन भी छिन जाएँगे; 
तब मानव की चेतनता का 
आधार न जाने क्या होगा! 
इस पार, प्रिये मधु है तुम हो, 
उस पार न जाने क्या होगा! 
 
And Amitabh too had hit the nail in his own special way… and the lines did seem to talk so favourably about the unexpected losses on the other side, that is, if you crossed over to times of severe indoor pollution. The beauty of a great poem is that it interprets every situation the best way. 
 
So yes, indoor pollution is indeed something that even the Bollywood icons acknowledged in a different manner… and we ordinary mortals must not really overlook the hazards that it poses. 
 
We need to be aware of the issues surrounding indoor pollution… and even other forms of pollution, of course. I mention the indoor form because most of us tend to spend a lot of time indoors and so cannot afford to let it destroy our lives. And, by the way, did I mention that pollutants exist in micron sizes so you cannot actually pick them up and put them in a recycle bag. These micro-sized monsters need specialised busters… though you can reduce your exposure to pollutants if you know what to do in certain cases. 
 
It will be helpful to know that broken CFLs releases mercury, a neurotoxin in the air… so the best action is to simply open the windows and let fresh air come and clear the environment. 
 
Your gadgets have plastic parts… and plastics made with polyvinyl chloride emit phthalates that may lead to hormonal abnormalities and reproductive problems. Plastics also release polybrominated diphenyl ethers, which are flame-retardant chemicals known to cause neurobehavioral changes. So what does one do? Simple. Encourage adequate ventilation until the chemical odour goes away. Be regular in vacuuming around computers, printers, and televisions. 
 
Even glues and adhesives aren’t as virtuous as they seem with their relationship with acetone or methyl ethyl ketone that irritates eyes and affects the nervous system. Rubber cement has n-hexane, a neurotoxin and adhesives are known to have toxic formaldehyde. The secret of escaping these hazards is to encourage a fair degree of ventilation in the house. 
 
Kitchen with their platoon of stoves, heaters, and fireplaces can have an abundance of carbon monoxide that can cause headaches, dizziness, fatigue, and even death in the absence of proper ventilation. Nitrogen dioxides and other particulates, doctors say, can cause respiratory disorders and inflammation of the eyes, nose, and throat. 
 
Isn’t all this serious enough? Isn’t it time to realise that pollution is much more than just exhaust fumes on busy traffic congested roads. It is right there inside a home that you have been thinking of as a safe haven all this while. Pollution isn’t just in the Ganges or existing only as garbage piles on the slopes of pristine mountains—it is right under your nose inside your house. Yes, pollution is surely transforming this world into a global garbage can, but if you do not allow your awareness instincts to act right, your home will be a stinking source of illness and disease even before any other form of pollution overwhelms existence. Therefore, it is time to sit up and say: indoor pollution is a reality and I want our think-tanks to serve us a solution. Prevent your home from becoming a Da Vinci of death! 
 
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The Da Vinci of death

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One of the most popular statements in TV debates after the announcement of the budget meandered through visits to the zoo and museums becoming more attractive. 
 
Let me begin with the pre-budget zoo first. On the social media we must indeed be appearing like a zoo with exotic voices wanting a 200% tax on karela to prevent mothers from forcing us to eat them, free vacations for women as marriage is akin to bondage, a better tax slab to those who are able to book tickets on IRCTC in the first go, a higher tax slab on women as they talk more, a green tax rebate for flat owners with a hundred or more potted plants, and onions and potatoes priced in an inverse proportion so that at least one remains affordable. 
 
In such a zoo of ideas, the FM stood to announce 
A budget that only talked of a plan to pounce! 
 
Well, Mr Jaitley may not have preferred to salt-n-pepper his budget speech with a liberal dose of poetry, but he did mention his intent to usher in fiscal change, woo growth, and at least frame a picture of the uplift of the poor. All that the poet in me understood after hours spent listening to him was that he was encouraging me to save more and was hinting at making our spending habits more transparent. The finance ministry does seem to be saying: 
 
Disclose your assets abroad, dear friend 
We also want to curb black market trend. 
 
The FM began by saying that his government had ‘inherited a sentiment of doom and gloom’ but had a commitment to sweep it all, though in a phased manner, making sure that policies were streamlined to encourage banking for the unbanked and funded the unfunded. Now, some of us have interpreted this as highly pro-corporate and anti-people. This isn’t quite true. The high allocation for infrastructure is the main focus and the corporate sector gets a phased reduction in corporate tax-rate. There will be the emergence of a law to handle disputes in public contracts… well, isn’t the government planning a GDP growth between 8 and 8.5%and a fiscal deficit of 3.9% in 2015-16? The FM did reflect an optimism of the ruling party somewhat like: 
 
A double digit growth isn’t far into the future now 
A sentiment of doom and gloom will give way to wow! 
 
Really? The common man doesn’t seem to be sharing this optimism though. All over we hear people cribbing about the raw deal that that the middle class has been dealt. The absence of the conventional tax slab differences is irking us all. But I suspect these noises are because most of the hoi polloi do not know much beyond tax slabs and service tax. I find it funny to listen to people lamenting the loss of twenty rupees on a dinner of a thousand rupees! 
 
Increase from 12.36 to fourteen percent is unkind 
Why doesn’t the government let us relax and unwind? 
 
What most of us are not appreciating is the way the Jan Dhan – Adhar – mobile banking nexus is turning the nation slowly but surely towards a really swachch income Bharat. Just as stopping a subsidy leakage is more important than doing away with subsidies, if we manage to get all transactions done through credit and debit cards, we will have contributed towards building a nation with a strong fiscal profile where black money has no place at all. As I have mentioned earlier, the two major thrusts of this budget are ensuring transparency and encouraging a sensible planning for the future. 
 
Inflation is a result of wealth undeclared 
Fiscal health is spending transparently shared! 
 
As against the popular notion, I do not find this budget pro-business though the common grouse of the common man is that he is now asked to ‘walk more and eat less’, build his own pension, and stop dreaming of living in a tax-haven with up to 5 lakh free from any income tax. Even the 2% surcharge that is to be levied on incomes above a crore did not really placate the disturbed common man psyches who thought budgets are events that make life more affordable. 
 
Let me end this short post with rhyming lines as this is the only facet that was missing from the Budget 2015 presentation: 
 
Go ahead, common man, and learn to save more 
Your future now depends on your saving score 
 
Visit zoos and museums and have time to learn 
Generating black money you now need to unlearn 
 
Make it in India to earn more as you sell for less 
Corporate taxes will now give you less stress 
 
The poor aren’t affected and the rich don’t care 
Middle class thinks the budget, to them, isn’t fair 
 
But hey! The Sensex seems happy with what it hears 
As the future surely doesn’t seem to rhyme with fears! 
 
Allow me to add at this stage that it isn’t budgets that make or kill us as it is the way others interpret it that affects the way it is perceived. So, it is always good to look at what benefits and hum away in a rhyme all that doesn’t appear worth reading. 
 
(Image: This illustration has been drawn and shared by Arvind Passey, the author of this story) 
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