- Having friends at
work can make you more productive and happy, surveys have shown. - But gossiping and being too comfortable can hurt your reputation or even jeopardize your job.
Getting along with your coworkers is a great thing. It can make your workday less dreary, help you focus better, and make you more productive, surveys have shown.
But be careful how you form work friendships. While it might be tempting to bond over office gossip, stories from revelrous weekend nights, or venting sessions, it's important to know what's OK and what isn't.
"In conversation, use a little common sense and discretion, especially when there are others present," Rosalinda Oropeza Randall, an etiquette expert and the author of "Don't Burp in the Boardroom," wrote in her book. "The general guideline is that if you wouldn't say it in front of your boss, don't say it."
Don't ask to borrow money
Most of us have forgotten to bring cash or our wallet to work once or twice. Randall says that in this rare occasion, it might be OK to ask your understanding coworker to borrow some money for lunch.
"But if your wallet is always in your 'other purse,' don't be surprised if you're excluded from future lunches," she writes.
Stop using the phrase 'honestly'
Barbara Pachter, an etiquette expert and author of "The Essentials of Business Etiquette," writes that drawing attention to your honesty at that moment can lead people to wonder, "Aren't you always honest with me?"
Don't spread rumors
"Spread gossip, and you become labeled as a gossip," writes Vicky Oliver, author of "Bad Bosses, Crazy Coworkers & Other Office Idiots" and "Power Sales Words."
"Negative comments about a coworker to another coworker will make you look worse than the person you're talking about, and guess who will be the one who looks bad when it gets back to the person you're talking about?" per Randall.
Be careful of how often you say you're tired or stressed
We all get exhausted sometimes, but you want to avoid how much you tell others about it. You don't want to be known as someone who's unable to handle their job, according to business etiquette coach Jessica Lieffring.
"Complaining about how tired or stressed out you are, or constantly making excuses at work because of personal issues will lead supervisors to believe you can't handle your job and start assigning career-advancing tasks to other people," Lieffring wrote in a post.
Don't tell your coworker you like the way her pants fit on her
Be selective about what you compliment.
Commenting about a coworker's physical appearance is considered
Don't tell a coworker, 'You people are always causing problems'
Topics like religion, politics, and child-rearing sometimes come up in the workplace. But to negatively comment about any group is unwise and unprofessional, and it could get you in trouble for harassment.
Never ask a coworker if she's pregnant
This question rarely results in a positive outcome.
"If your coworker is not pregnant, you have insulted her," Oliver writes. "If she is pregnant, she probably isn't ready to discuss it yet. Keep observations like this to yourself."
Don't say, 'I'm sorry to be a bother'
"Why are you saying you're a bother?" wrote Pachter.
And if you are truly sorry about something you haven't done yet, why would you go ahead and do it anyway?
"Excuse me. Do you have a moment?" works much better, according to the author.
Don't tell your coworkers you are looking for another job, or ask if they know who's hiring
"Sharing this with your coworkers may cause them to instinctively distance themselves, knowing you will no longer be a part of the team," according to Randall.
"They also might unintentionally leak the information to your supervisor, which could explain your lack of productivity and absences, resulting in a poor reference or an invitation to pick up your paycheck earlier than you expected," she writes.
Don't say: 'See this rash? I'm expecting the lab results tomorrow.'
"Except for maybe your mom or spouse, no one really wants to see or hear about peculiar rashes or any nausea-inducing medical conditions," according to Randall. "Limit your sharing to a cold or headache."
Try not to start all of your sentences with 'I think'
Saying "I think" is sometimes acceptable, but only if you truly are unsure.
"Using 'I think' can make you appear wishy-washy," Pachter wrote. When you know something, state it directly: "The meeting will be at 3 p.m."
Don't tell a coworker you were surprised when she was asked to present
You might as well say, "It should have been me."
"The professional response would be, 'Congratulations,'" Randall wrote.
Don't say: 'Do you mind covering for me while I'm in Bora Bora?'
Flaunting your luxurious lifestyle with your colleagues may set off a jealousy epidemic, according to Oliver. In general, it's best to avoid bragging about how great your life is.
Don't ask your coworker if you're invited to a party you overheard him talk about
"This is the grown-up world — not everyone will be invited to everything," Randall writes. "Besides, are you prepared for the answer?"
Don't tell your coworkers you're stealing office supplies
You just admitted to stealing, a cause for termination and, at the very least, a loss of trust, per Randall.
Don't bring up personal relationship issues
Sharing intimate details about your love life falls into the "too much information" category, Randall writes, and "if it doesn't enhance your professional image, or enrich workplace relationships, you should keep it to yourself."
Don't call your coworker a "credit snatcher"
Maybe your colleague or boss took credit for your work, but carping about the problem to your coworkers rarely helps, according to Oliver. Instead, it's best to address the issue with the person who took credit for your idea.
Don't ask your coworkers how old they are
HR experts suggest colleagues avoid this topic. Someone might think you're questioning their authority or abilities, or worse, could accuse you of age discrimination.
Don't comment on your coworkers hair or ask to touch it
Commenting on a coworker's hair or asking to touch it isn't just inappropriate, it could be considered harassment or a racist microaggression.
Don't tell your coworkers you're suing the company
"Whether the charge is legitimate or not, spreading it around will not serve you well — just ask your attorney," Randall writes.
If you're really suing your employer, it's best to conduct yourself with discretion and dignity and continue to perform your duties to the best of your ability. If this becomes impossible, you should consider resigning, Randall says.
"But if this is your go-to threat when you're unhappy about something, stop it," she says.
Rachel Gillett contributed to an earlier version of this article. This article was originally published in 2016.