I'm a trauma psychologist. Here's how I'm taking care of myself during the pandemic.

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I'm a trauma psychologist. Here's how I'm taking care of myself during the pandemic.
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  • Paula Madrid is a clinical and forensic psychologist who specializes in trauma; she's assisted in a variety of disaster response efforts and is adjunct faculty at Columbia University's National Center for Disaster Preparedness.
  • She already had a packed schedule pre-pandemic — and self-care routines that involved going out for happy hours and working out with a personal trainer.
  • Now those things aren't possible, so she's readjusted.
  • She's fulfilled her New Year's resolution to learn French by logging on to a virtual French lesson every morning at 7 a.m.
  • She's also found that dinner — and its preparation — has become a sacred time.
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A very good friend who knows my schedule well has affectionately labeled me a "working soccer mom."

I run two businesses and (pre-pandemic) drove my daughter to school daily, picked her up, and took her to lessons three times a week. I had found it quite challenging to find regular time for self-care routines. Pre-pandemic, most weeks I found time to fit in a training session with the amazing personal trainer Ador Orca, happy hour with "the girls" on Wednesday evenings, and at least three work-free weekends per month. Such luxuries are hardly tenable in the current climate.

At the outset of the pandemic, I contemplated ways I could remain active and positive while continuing to have a challenging schedule — now also occupied with homeschooling — while putting aside some time for new culinary ventures at home.

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Since about April 15, I have managed to get a simple routine down that's worked wonders for me. I attribute this success to drawing from my innermost desires, rather than basing my choices on what others typically say self-care "should be" all about.

Self-care is very personal. It requires an intimate understanding of one's true wants and needs, and then going for it! It can change on a weekly or even daily basis and thus requires some real introspection and lots of planning.

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Here's how my routine works:

6-8 a.m.: I set an alarm for 6 a.m. so that I can actually get myself up by 6:45 most mornings.

After a quick shower and a relaxed dressing (except for Fridays, when I actually wear PJ's until around 11 a.m.), I prepare a cup of earl gray in preparation for a 7 a.m. virtual French language lesson. This has become one of my most important self-care rituals during this COVID era.

On December 31, 2019, I held a New Year's Eve party at home. When friends asked about New Year's resolutions, I replied that I was set on becoming fluent in French and growing my secondary business. Fast forward to August 23, 2020: When I listen to podcasts in French, I can actually understand what's being said!

Believe me, it's a rare pleasure to be able to follow through on a goal like this. What began in my mind as a lofty ambition — a "would be nice" scenario — has progressed into real achievement in the midst of this unfortunate crisis.

Actually following through on a seemingly fanciful but long-held aim has filled me with a unique joy, and allowed me to note real changes in the way I see myself; it has engendered a strong sense of self-confidence I never knew I could draw from.

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8 a.m.-6 p.m.: My days are full of calls, emails, organizing meals, overseeing an active seven-year-old, delegating tasks to my associates and staff, composing reports, and putting out fires of a seemingly limitless variety — all of which results in me feeling a good deal overwhelmed, especially as this multi-tasking is ever-changing.

I have found that, more than ever, having set to-do lists has been a lifesaver. I have a list of daily musts, which I prepare the night before, as well as ongoing lists of important — sometimes urgent — tasks to be performed at some specified time.

This helps me stay sane, focused, and feel a sense of accomplishment on a daily basis, as a once-dreaded pastiche of tasks is reduced to checklist items. Each line drawn through a completed task yields a sense of satisfaction.

7-9 p.m.: The dinner hours have become quite the sacred time.

I have found a new love in preparing dinner with my family. I myself am a master veggie-chopper, our 7-year-old is an ace at salad dressing, and my husband has perfected the art of producing what my daughter has labeled "heavenly chicken." We use this time to laugh, tell jokes, play loud music or give each other dance lessons, plan where our next vacation might be (one day), as well as share about our days.

~10 p.m.: After much joking around and a heavy dose of either Food Network watching or Harry Potter reading, our daughter finally falls asleep.

Success!

11 p.m.: I do a bit more work and prepare for bed.

Composing a list of the wonderful things I experienced during the day, I realize I am smiling as I do so. I find that gratitude keeps me in a positive frame of mind, aware of how fortunate we are and have been, and how much we can offer to others in need.

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We are healthy, and we have basic needs covered, friends and family we can count on, and the freedom to dream about the future with the serene optimism of security. Indeed, we are just about as fortunate as it gets. Time to turn on a French podcast and fall asleep smiling because I actually understand what is being said.

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