CLT20 Is The Tournament That Commonsense Forgot

Why is the tournament that will start in earnest in Hyderabad on Wednesday called the Champions League T20 (CLT20) when more than half the competing teams are not the winners of the events that put them there?

Yes, football also propagates this marketing myth. But since when does cricket, which likes to think of itself as the cerebral sport fan's game of choice, take its cues from something designed to deliver 90 minutes of nothing to mobs of yobs?

And who can look past the farce of at least three and perhaps as many as four of the field of 10 sides who play in the CLT20 proper all hailing from the Indian Premier League (IPL)?

The closest we can get to a truthful answer to these questions is to supply it ourselves - the CLT20 would be more honestly named Another Opportunity for IPL Franchises and Selected Others to Make Even More Money (AOIFSOMEMM).

So, stand by for the 2014 edition of the AOIFSOMEMM, the tournament that commonsense forgot. If you live in Hyderabad, Chandigarh, Raipur or Bangalore, it is coming soon to a stadium near you.

If you live elsewhere, do not fear - it will be on a television not far away from you as surely as Lalit Modi, who styles himself as the "founder and architect of the IPL and CLT20" on his Twitter page, will in the next 10 minutes say something that confirms his arrogance.

At least he will make us laugh when he does so, albeit unintentionally. The cricket itself, however, could bring tears to the eyes of South Africans - who are capable of seeing something like the AOIFSOMEMM for the ridiculousness it is while hoping like hell that their teams win the damned thing. Not this year, Josephine.

The Dolphins won outright - rather than shared - their first championship in South Africa's franchise history last season by claiming the T20 trophy. David Miller was central to that cause as the competition's leading runscorer. But Miller will strutt his stuff in the colours of Kings XI Punjab in the AOIFSOMEMM.

It is difficult to imagine the Dolphins staying afloat without Miller's presence and his destructive bat, not to mention his predatory patrol of the outfield from whence his bullet arm fires straight and true.

But which is worse: the fact that some undeserving IPL lot will enjoy his services rather than the team that have nurtured him and his talent to fruition, or the awkward truth that his rightful team are happy to accept the ransom that the IPL side are only too willing to pay to hang onto him? Off with both of their heads.

The Cobras are no strangers to success in South Africa having won or shared 10 trophies in the past 10 seasons. In the inaugural AOIFSOMEMM in 2009, they reached the semi-finals. But to get that far this year they will need all the world class players they can put into a team shirt.

So, good thing they have Hashim Amla, Vernon Philander and Dale Steyn to call on. Except that they do not have Steyn.

Despite the unfair advantage given to IPL sides, Steyn's team in that tournament, Sunrisers Hyderabad, were not good enough make the AOIFSOMEMM grade. Steyn is not playing because Cricket South Africa (CSA) have told the Cobras to rest him. As his salary is paid by CSA and not the Cobras, the latter have no choice but to comply.

Whether CSA would have been quite as keen to tell the Kolkata Knight Riders to give Morne Morkel a break is an interesting question that was made moot when Morkel was ruled out of the AOIFSOMEMM with a shoulder injury.

For all that, many South Africans are quietly relieved that players of the importance and the workload of Steyn and Morkel will take no part in the irrelevance that is the AOIFSOMEMM. There is a World Cup coming, and that is a far bigger priority. The nation is happy with that, even if Steyn and Morkel themselves are not because of the AOIFSOMEMM-shaped hole that will loom large in their bank accounts.

All set, then, for the 18 days of contextless cricket that will constitute this year's AOIFSOMEMM? Can't hardly wait...