Marshall managed to pull the rug out from under Lily when he secretly accepted his dream judgeship position despite agreeing to move to Rome for Lily's art consultant job.
For situations like these, Kolawole suggests that couples take time to discuss important life decisions before they can cause conflict.
"For Marshall to make such a significant decision without consulting with Lily, that's going to break trust in the relationship — as it should," she said. "Because they had made a decision together, they have dreams in Italy together, and all of a sudden Marshall essentially prioritizes his dream over what they've said."
It would've been better to have a conversation about the job offer together and come to a mutual decision.
"Couples have to be willing to communicate and jump into the stuff with each other, but when we make these kinds of reactive decisions, it has more dire consequences on the relationship and on the partner," Kolawole said.
Kolawole also noted that she ultimately thinks Marshall's decision was a residual effect from Lily's move to San Francisco.
She told Insider, "Given the move that Lily pulled and her breaking up the engagement — even though they got back together — did they really tend to the broken trust? Because when she bailed on him potentially it sends the message to him that he can't really count on her to be there and do what she said."
This leads to what Kolawole calls "attachment insecurity," which "causes us to behave in ways where we protect ourselves because we don't trust that the other is going to have our back and take care of us."