Hannah Brown felt like Colton Underwood 'didn't even want to be kissing me' on 'The Bachelor'
- Hannah Brown's book details her time on "
The Bachelor" and competing for Colton Underwood's heart.
- She wrote that she "kept getting the feeling something was off" when they were together.
Audiences were introduced to Hannah "Hannah Beast" Brown when she stepped out of the limo on night one of Colton Underwood's season of "The Bachelor" in January 2019. In her new book, "God Bless This Mess," she wrote about what it was like to date him — specifically, what it was like to date someone who'd later come out as gay.
"I kept getting the feeling that something was off," Brown wrote. "A feeling like he didn't even want to be kissing me, you know? Some of the other girls felt like something was off, too, and honestly I didn't know what to think."
Brown wrote that they even had a conversation where she "straight up" told him she was having doubts.
She told him, "I feel like I'm on this cliff. And with all the drama that's happened, I feel like I want to back away from the edge. Either that or I just want to jump, and really allow myself to start giving my heart to you."
His response was that he had already jumped, and he asked her to "jump with me."
However, Brown was eventually sent home after meeting Underwood's parents as part of a one-on-one date.
"As soon as I got in the car to go on that date, I got this feeling in my gut that something was wrong," she wrote. "It's like we just weren't connecting the way we were supposed to," she continued.
Underwood chose Cassie Randolph — famously, he jumped a fence for her — and the two dated around a year and a half, announcing their breakup in May 2020. Randolph was later granted a restraining order against him, alleging he had spied on her. It was dropped in November 2020.
Over two years after he was the star of "The Bachelor," in April 2021, Underwood came out as gay in an interview on "Good Morning America."
"I've ran from myself for a long time," he said in the interview. "I've hated myself for a long time. I came to terms with that earlier this year and have been processing it, and the next step in all of this was sort of letting people know."
He also apologized to the contestants on his series, saying, "Do I regret being the Bachelor? Do I regret handling it the way that I did? I do. I do think I could've handled it better. I just wish I wouldn't have dragged people into the mess of figuring out who I was."
Of the revelation, Brown wrote in her book, "A couple of years later, when I saw Colton come out as gay on 'Good Morning America,' I'd see that same freeness for him — and it made me happy."
"It also helped me better understand why things just felt a little off between us — because he felt off with himself. He wasn't living the truth," she added.
Underwood will appear in a six-episode docuseries, "Coming Out Colton," which starts on December 3 on Netflix.
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