How to break up with someone the right way
The first time I broke up with someone was in college. I was so anxious about doing it that I procrastinated for days. That was probably the only occasion when I actually did my homework ahead of time, if only as an excuse to avoid facing my then-boyfriend.
Take it from me: The longer you wait, the worse you will feel. As soon as you're sure you want to end it with someone, you should do so. It's not helping anyone to waste time pretending everything is fine.
When you're doing the actual dumping, what you say is just as important as when and where you say it. There's an episode of "Grey's Anatomy" that comes to mind, where the attending physicians coach the interns on how to tell a family their loved one has died. They stress the importance of actually saying the words. The same goes for breakups. No one is dying, but you want to make it unequivocally clear what is happening.
If you don't at some point state, "I'm breaking up with you," the other person may hold onto that last shred of hope. I would know — believing there could still be a chance is kind of my specialty. It can feel harsh, but eliminating any ambiguity will ultimately help them to heal and move on.
It's common to feel like you have to justify what you're doing, especially for women. But you were one half of the relationship, and you deserve to be happy just as much as the other person does. Be kind, but firm — don't make excuses that undermine what you're trying to do.
Saying, "You're great, but I don't think this is working out" is fine. Telling them that you're just "too busy for a relationship right now" when that's not entirely true is iffy. People can tell when you're full of BS, especially someone who knows you well. They deserve more than that.
Feel free to let the person know why you're breaking up with them. Instead of using vague blanket statements, give them some constructive criticism. Don't overwhelm them by listing every little habit of theirs you found annoying, but don't be afraid to share your honest thoughts. If a major reason for ending it is that they were constantly putting their job before your relationship, that's something they should know going forward.
For me, having concrete reasons helps me understand why the relationship ended. I'm still going to overthink every little detail, but this way I can make it a goal to work on those limitations in my current and future relationships.
When I broke up with my college boyfriend, he cried. And then he yelled. I understand that he was angry, and judging by the text I got a few months later, he definitely didn't mean it when he said he never wanted to see me again.
While some people save their emotions to process alone after the fact, others are more vocal in the moment. Be prepared for anything from a few tears to screaming.
Don't drag it out. Say what needs to be said, and go. They likely want to be alone anyway.
No matter what happens, don't gossip about the breakup with too many other people. If you share the same group of friends or coworkers, what you say will get back to them. Words get twisted and rumors spread, so it's better to keep quiet in the aftermath of the breakup.
It's OK to confide in your close friends, but be careful about sharing the details outside of your trusted circle.
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