Britney Spears gives in-depth look at 'premeditated' conservatorship in since-deleted video: 'It was pure abuse. And I haven't even really shared even half of it.'
- In a since-deleted video, Britney Spears shared a 22-minute audio clip discussing her conservatorship.
- She said her experience was "unbelievably offensive, sad, abusive" and that she's stayed quiet out of embarrassment.
Britney Spears shared a 22-minute audio clip detailing early memories of how her conservatorship began in 2008 in a since-deleted YouTube video posted Sunday, calling out her father, mother, and sister for what she called "premeditated" abuse.
In the audio clip, which contains the most in-depth account from the pop star since her 13-year conservatorship was terminated in November 2021, Spears called the ordeal of being under the legal control of her father, Jamie Spears, for so long "unbelievably offensive, sad, abusive" and said she has stayed quiet about the details out of embarrassment.
"I haven't honestly shared this openly, too, as well, because I've always been scared at that judgment," Spears said. "I do think I'm in a place now where I'm a little bit more confident that I can be willing to share openly my thoughts and what I've been through, because I haven't really had that outlet to share completely for so long. Just scared of judgments, thoughts of other people what they think. I think it's crucial for my heart and my head to be able to speak openly about it as anyone else would."
Insider has reached out to representatives for Spears to verify the authenticity of the YouTube message but did not immediately receive a response.
Spears, who was 25 years old when the conservatorship was implemented, said she "still to this day" doesn't know what she "really did" to warrant having her father take control of her legal, medical, and business-related decisions, but recalled the moments leading up to the court decision.
In 2007, before the conservatorship was in place, Spears filed for divorce from her then-husband Kevin Federline and — in a series of escalating incidents involving paparazzi — was pictured hitting a photographer's car with an umbrella and shaving her head.
"Literally, the extent of my madness was playing chase with the paparazzi," Spear said. "Which is still to this day, one of the most fun things I ever did while being famous, so I don't know what was so harmful about that."
The highly-publicized incidents led to her father establishing rules for his daughter's behavior — such as not carrying cash and no drinking — which would later be cemented into law.
Spears said her mother and several friends had had a sleepover the night before she was hospitalized in early 2008 and her mother had told her "people" were coming to talk to her — something Spears said she didn't understand at the time.
"And then four hours later, there were over 200 paparazzi outside my house videotaping me through a window of an ambulance holding me down on a gurner [sic]. I know now it was all premeditated," Spears said. "And a woman introduced the idea to my dad, and my mom actually helped him follow through and made it all happen. It was all basically set up — there was no drugs in my system, no alcohol, nothing. It was pure abuse. And I haven't even really shared even half of it."
Spears went on to explain how her father, who she described as "controlling," took the reins on everything in her life — from her finances and daily schedule to when and where she performed and the dance moves she did. She described, during her 2009 Circus tour after the conservatorship was implemented, one instance where she "said no" to a particular dance move and was involuntarily hospitalized the next day.
"[I said] I don't want to do this and then I just remember everything got really weird and quiet and all the directors and producers went in the back room and just spoke," Spears recalled. "And that was it...And then the next day, I was told that I was had to be sent away to a facility and that I was supposed to say on my Instagram the reason why is because my dad is sick, and I need treatment — which I didn't want to ever go there. I remember my dad called me on the phone and I was crying. And I was like, 'Why are you guys doing this?'"
During the early years of her conservatorship, Spears described herself as "in a state of shock" and "helpless." She did as she was told, including taking pre-packaged medication given to her by her security detail, performing while wearing wigs and exercising daily because she was told she was fat, but said she felt "like a robot."
"I never remember feeling so demoralized and just they made me feel like nothing," Spears said. "And I went along with it because I was scared. I was scared and fearful. I didn't even really do anything."
Over the years Spears said, her family acted "as if [she was] dead" and ignored her calls for help. Her mother, she said, "wouldn't speak up" and would lie to reporters who called to ask about her status.
Previously, Spears has accused her mother, Lynne, of plotting the conservatorship behind her back and engaging in controlling behaviors like hiding coffee from her.
"The whole thing that made it really confusing for me is these people are on the street fighting for me but my sister and my mother aren't doing anything," Spears said. "To me it was like they secretly, honestly, liked me being the bad one. Like I was messed up and they kind of just liked it that way. Otherwise, why weren't they outside my doorstep saying "Baby girl, get in the car. Let's go." I think that's the main thing that hurt me. I couldn't process how my family went along with it for so long."
The hardest part, Spears said, was how much she wanted to move her feet. Instead, she was told she had to sit in a chair from "like eight to six every day" while her sons played with her family.
It was that betrayal from her family, Spears said, that sticks with her. She explained in the video that she wants to scream and cry and spit in their faces because of what they did to her, saying: "I thought they were trying to fucking kill me."
"They put me in an ignorant, scared state of mind to make me feel like I needed them," Spears said. "I got on my knees every day and I prayed, I held on like a needle and thread to some sort of existence because they had made me feel like nothing for so long. I knew in the deepest, deepest part of my core, I knew I'd done nothing wrong and I didn't deserve the way I'd been treated."
The video ended on an optimistic note, with Spears assuring listeners they are not alone in their difficult experiences and that she is grateful for the opportunities still available to her — like her recent release of "Hold Me Closer" with Elton John.
"Honestly [my experience] makes me look up and say: 'How the fuck did they get away with it? How is there a God? Is there a God?'" Spears said. "I was so, so, so weak and my family's at my beach house? I was scared, broken. I'm sharing this because I want people to know I'm only human. I do feel victimized after these experiences and how can I mend this if I don't talk about it?"
Representatives for Jamie Spears, Lynn Spears, and Jamie Lynn Spears did not immediately return Insider's requests for comment.
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