When you talk to your spouse, are you really hearing what he or she is saying? I don't mean the words alone; I mean the meaning behind them. Even many years into my relationship, I'm still at times reluctant to say certain things to my wife for fear of seeming needy or petty.
I might hope for a compliment on an outfit, for example, or want to vent about something I know is ultimately no big deal. Sometimes I'll fish for a compliment rather than asking directly how I look; other times I'll speak about something general ("Why would anyone ever park in front of a driveway?") instead of just asking her to ask her friend who is visiting not to park in front of our driveway.
My wife does this, too, and so do you, and so will your partner. At times, we all try to express things without saying them, but when you are in tune with your partner, you will pick up on the hints. And if you ever feel like you might be missing the point, ask directly. Once you ask someone about they were trying to address anyway, they will likely open right up.
I have one first cousin. My wife has 12. My cousin lives in a different state than we do. All but one of my wife's cousins live within an hour drive, and that's with heavy traffic.
When I married her, I married into a huge, close-knit family that was quite unlike my own small family. And I love them all, and it's all well and good now, but it took time to adjust to the dynamic. You must also be ready to share your spouse with their career, their friends, their hobbies, and more.
If I can avoid having an argument with someone, whether that person is an airline gate agent, a roofing contractor, or my own wife, I will do it. And for a number of years, I honestly thought that by avoiding arguments I was being a loving, stable partner.
What I finally realized (remember, we got married young!) was that sometimes I wasn't avoiding arguments; I was avoiding issues. If two people spend enough time together, there will be conflict, that's just a given.
The way you resolve your conflicts is up to you and your spouse, but hiding from the argument will not only leave the underlying issue unaddressed — and it can leave your partner feeling disrespected and even unloved.
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