My husband and I just wrote our will and chose 2 friends as our kids' guardians. Here's why we didn't pick a family member.

Courtesy of Katie Oelker

Katie Oelker with her family in December 2018.

• When I was pregnant with my first child, my husband and I sat down to write our will. I didn't want to wait until after my daughter was born in case something happened to me during childbirth.
• We had many conversations about who to choose as a guardian for our future kids and ultimately settled on two of our friends.
• We're happy with our decision, but it's also a relief to know we can always change our minds if circumstances require it.
• Fabric can help you create a free, legal will online in minutes »

When I worked as a financial adviser, I often met with couples who had small children and had yet to create a will.

While I'm no lawyer or estate planning expert myself, I always recommended that these couples meet with an estate planning attorney ASAP in the event that something happened to one or the other (or both!) and decisions had to be made regarding the guardianship of their children.

In my own life, my husband and I had many conversations about who would get custody of our children if something happened to us. It took a while, but we ultimately decided that two of our best friends should get custody of our kids if we both died.

Choosing a guardian before becoming parents

While I agree that the death of a loved one is not something you want to think about on a regular basis, it is something that my husband and I felt was important to discuss before we had children.

Questions like, "What happens if I die during childbirth?" and "What happens if we die in a car crash while out one night on a date?" plagued me while pregnant with our first daughter.

There are so many different pieces to consider when deciding who will raise your children if you die unexpectedly. It's a very emotional decision, so we tried to ask questions that allowed us to have civil conversations and help move our decision forward.

We considered factors such as where the potential guardian lived in proximity to where we were living; who we felt could emotionally, mentally, and physically handle raising our girls; and who had enough financial stability to take on two more children.

Protect your family with a free, legal will from Fabric »

This latter piece was important for us, as we knew that the financial burden of adding two extra children would be substantial and wanted to make sure they would feel comfortable from a financial standpoint.

My husband and I both have life insurance that would be left to help cover the costs of raising the girls and send them to college, but we still knew there would likely be unforeseen costs we hadn't even considered.

The couple we chose as guardians have two young sons close in age to our two daughters. Although we did consider family as a viable option, we felt that a younger couple we love and trust with children was the right choice. We knew they were financially stable and young enough that taking on two additional children wouldn't be a complete lifestyle change.

You can always change your mind

This choice will be different for every couple, but it's essential that you put something down in writing.

As Salena Koster of Koster Law Firm points out, couples sometimes struggle to come to consensus or feel like they can't find a "perfect" solution, so they avoid writing these details into their will.

But, she says, "One thing I always remind them of is that these decisions can be changed. An estate plan is not written in stone, and it doesn't have to stay the same until you're 85. Get something in place with the options and information you have about your life right now, and if (or when) things change down the road, you can make adjustments."

I'm happy with the decisions we made

If I were to do it all over again, I would still complete our estate plan before having kids. I felt that having everything in place put my worries to rest before I added an entirely new set of stresses to my list.

And while I may still occasionally have worst-case scenario thoughts, at least now there's a plan and I know our wishes will be granted if something unforeseen should happen.

Create a free, legal will online in minutes with Fabric »

• More personal finance coverage
• 4 reasons to open a high-yield savings account while interest rates are down
• It took less than 10 minutes to open a high-yield cash account with Wealthfront and earn more on my savings
• How to buy a house with no money down
• When to save money in high-yield savings
• Best rewards credit cards
• 7 reasons you may need life insurance, even if you think you don't

Disclosure: This post is brought to you by the Personal Finance Insider team. We occasionally highlight financial products and services that can help you make smarter decisions with your money. We do not give investment advice or encourage you to adopt a certain investment strategy. What you decide to do with your money is up to you. If you take action based on one of our recommendations, we get a small share of the revenue from our commerce partners. This does not influence whether we feature a financial product or service. We operate independently from our advertising sales team.