Dirty talk for beginners: How a few choice words can make make you feel closer to your partner

• Dirty talk can be a huge turn-on - in fact, nearly 91% of adults fantasize about it.
• You can get started by thinking of different examples of dirty talk and coming prepared.
• From there, you can bond with your partner by telling them exactly what you want in bed.

Dirty talk, when done correctly, can be a huge turn-on. There's nothing like hearing exactly what your partner wants to do to you and how they'd like to do it, or hearing them compliment you on your intimate bits.

Plus, dirty talk is something that many people desire. According to a 2020 survey of over 4,000 adults, 91% of participants said they have fantasized about a partner talking dirty to them.

If you've never talked dirty before, don't worry! As with any skill, practice makes perfect. Here are some of the benefits of talking dirty as well as sex therapist-approved tips for how to get started.

The benefits of dirty talking

Dirty talking can level up your sex life. Here are some of the benefits of dirty talk.

• It stimulates your brain: We mainly think about our genitals as our sex organs, but your brain can also be seen as a sex organ. "Your brain is in charge of pleasure and ecstatic experiences...this is the spot where your fantasies form and go wild," says Miro Gudelsky, an intimacy expert and sex therapist in private practice.
• It can increase overall arousal: Talking about sex can get you in the mood for sex. The more aroused you are, the more intense your sexual experience can be and the more likely you are to orgasm, Gudelsky says.
• It can make you feel closer to your partner: Since talking dirty is something so personal and intimate, Gudelsky says it can lead to a newfound closeness with your partner. You might even experience the same type of excitement that you felt at the beginning of your relationship.

How to talk dirty

If you've never engaged in dirty talk, it can feel uncomfortable and awkward. But with time, you can become much more comfortable with it. Here are some tips to get you started.

Make sure you have consent. If you've never engaged in dirty talk with your partner before, you may not know how they feel about it. Jennifer Litner, sexologist and founder of Embrace Sexual Wellness, says before you talk dirty to your partner, get their consent.

Start slow. When delving into dirty talk, Litner suggests going slow. Instead of diving right in, start sprinkling in some sexy talk here and there to get comfortable with it. From there, you can gauge what feels right for you and your partner.

Think of different ways you can talk dirty. Litner suggests trying different themes of dirty talk. Here are three different examples:

• Compliment your partner by sharing "You're such a _____." or "You make me feel so _____."
• Be direct with your words to indicate what you want. Say, "I want you to ______." or "I love when you touch me _____."
• Reminisce with your partner(s). Try "Remember when we _______?" or "It was so ____ when we ____.

Be authentic: Don't try to be someone you're not when you're talking dirty to your partner, and don't just say something that you think your partner wants to hear. "An important factor is to always say things you mean and feel. That authenticity is key to the sexiness factor," Gudelsky.

Remember it doesn't always have to be out loud: Dirty talking isn't just for when you're alone with your partner. This is a great thing for beginners who don't feel comfortable saying vulgar things out loud yet. Gudelsky says you can send texts with dirty talk, or even go old school and put a paper note in the pocket of their clothes that you know they'll find later.

Plan in advance: Some people feel stage fright when it comes to talking dirty, says Gudelsky. "If you are really struggling to find words, sometimes it can be figured out ahead of time. When you come up with lists of words in advance that you like and turn you on, you won't feel such stage fright," says Gudelsky.

Dirty-talking examples

Still feeling lost on what to say to your partner? Here are some dirty-talking templates from Litner:

• "It is so erotic when you ______"
• "You have such a sexy ______"
• "It is really hot for me when you _____"
• "You're such a _____"
• "I want you to make me _____"
• "I cannot wait to feel you _____"
• "I want you to ______ first"

You might even want to create your own word bank to become familiar with and pull from.

Insider's takeaway

Talking dirty can feel foreign and awkward at first, but with practice, it can add some serious heat into your relationship and spice up your sex life. Give it a shot with your partner, and don't forget to start off slow. Before you know it, dirty talk will be a second language for you.