How to broach the topic of sex toys with your partner

• To introduce sex toys into your relationship gently, be sure to avoid complaining or critiquing your partner's sexual performance.
• You should also be direct with your desires, but willing to compromise based on what your partner wants.
• Looking for a toy together can also help you to come to a decision with your partner.

If you've never used sex toys in your relationship, it may seem daunting and awkward to bring it up to your partner.

But opening a dialogue about sex toys can help with both communication and sexual pleasure - and the benefits don't stop there.

"Many folks report that using sex toys helps to inject novelty into long-term relationships and their mere presence can help to open the lines of communication with regard to desires, boundaries, likes, and dislikes," says sex and relationship expert Jess O'Reilly, PhD, host of the SexWithDrJess Podcast.

Here are five expert-approved tips for communicating with your partner to introduce sex toys into the relationship.

1. Frame your desires as requests as opposed to complaints

Your partner will likely be more receptive to the idea of sex toys if you are careful to avoid inadvertently offending them. Many people are sensitive about their sexual performance, so be sure to frame it as an exciting thing to try together, not a replacement for your partner's body.

To do this, make sure that your communication doesn't come off as a complaint or criticism, O'Reilly says. She recommends using the following formula:

1. Start with the positive.
2. Make an inquiry.
3. Make a request that includes your partner.

For example:

1. I loved how it felt last night…
2. Have you ever thought about trying a toy?
3. I'd love to try using a vibrator during sex with you.

2. Share how you feel

On top of sharing your desires, you should also share how you feel about utilizing sex toys, says Wright.

She suggests saying something like:

• "I feel excited about the possibility of bringing X toy into our lives."
• "I feel nervous to share the toys that look fun to me."

Be sure that you're sharing a true emotion, and don't be afraid to hold back from your partner.

"It's really important to communicate your emotions to your partner(s), not just your thoughts," says New York City-based sex therapist Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT.

3. Be direct but willing to compromise

Sit with yourself for a moment and be clear about understanding what you really want. Let your partner know what you want directly, and then ask them what they think and how they feel.

"It's a combination of being direct and assertive with what you want with the flexibility of compromise by asking how the other person feels about it," says Wright.

For example, you can name a specific toy or type of toy that you'd like to try out, and then ask them what they think about that toy. This opens the door for a two-way discussion that takes both of your needs into consideration.

4. Look for a toy together

Make the toy hunt a collaborative experience.

O'Reilly suggests that you check out some toys together online. This way, you can get a feel for what each one of you is into and make a decision together, compromising if necessary.

Alternatively, you can make a date out of visiting the local sex shop to pick out a toy in person.

"Often, the employees are highly trained in helping you find the best toy for you. It can be a fun bonding experience from finding it, buying it, cleaning it, and using it," says Wright.

Insider's takeaway

Sex toys can level up your relationship and your sex life. Try any (or all) of these tips and you'll be on the right track to communicating openly and honestly with your partner, which will, in turn, enhance your sex life.