I get mad at myself when I don't work out regularly. How do I stop the cycle of guilt?

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I get mad at myself when I don't work out regularly. How do I stop the cycle of guilt?
Samantha Lee/Business Insider
I get mad at myself when I don't work out regularly. How do I stop the cycle of guilt?
Not every workout needs to be intense.Getty
  • It's common to think of exercise as punishment that needs to be done to feel "good" about yourself.
  • But for many, this leads to guilt and anxiety, so redefining how you frame fitness in your mind is important.
  • Try setting performance-based goals and be more mindful during your workouts.

Dear Rachel,

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I exercise a lot, but after some self-reflection, I've realized my motivation largely comes from guilt. I feel bad if I haven't exercised in a few days and then feel better about myself after a grueling workout (and not just the endorphins). If I haven't sweated buckets, I feel like I haven't worked hard enough. If I've eaten indulgently and drank a lot, I always feel like I need to balance it out with a tough workout. I would love to develop a more positive relationship with exercise, but I don't know how. Help!

— Guilty Gym-goer

Dear Guilty,

What strikes me most about your message is how self-aware you are — realizing you have something to work on is the first step to make positive change, so well done.

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Second, your mindset is incredibly common and understandable given how much toxic messaging there is in popular culture around exercise.

I've successfully developed a healthier relationship with exercise over the past few years, but it didn't happen without conscious effort.

Exercise shouldn't come at the expense of your mental well-being

Mental and physical health are both equally important, and exercise should boost both.

"Never allow your efforts in exercising to come at the expense of your mental well-being," Sweat trainer Kelsey Wells told Insider.

Exercise shouldn't cause you anxiety.

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"When we exercise and move our physical bodies it can have exponential benefits to our mental health, unless we are internalizing toxic dialogues that tell us we need to burn off what we eat, or exercise as a punishment and so on," Wells said.

Find something you enjoy

A good place to start is to be more mindful about what you're doing — do you actually enjoy the movement? Or just the feeling afterwards?

CrossFit athlete Aimee Cringle believes this type of self-reflection is a game-changer because it takes away the element of just doing it for your health and to stay in shape.

I get mad at myself when I don't work out regularly. How do I stop the cycle of guilt?
Aimee Cringle is a CrossFit athlete.Aimee Cringle/Gymshark

"Exercise is a celebration of what your body can do, and you can gain a lot mentally from making progress, however big or small: whether that be improving your back squat one rep max, running a 5k one minute quicker, or getting your first strict pull-up," she said.

Cringle advises setting performance-based goals to help shift your focus, which can in turn lead to a healthier relationship with food as you think about fueling your body to hit your goals.

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Redefine fitness

To move away from thinking of exercise as punishment, Wells recommends three tools: intention setting, affirmations, and gratitude.

I get mad at myself when I don't work out regularly. How do I stop the cycle of guilt?
Sweat trainer Kelsey Wells.Kelsey Wells

Intention setting

Before each workout, take a moment to remind yourself that you are moving your body to care for yourself and your health, and you are exercising out of love and gratitude for your body, Wells said, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.

Affirmations

Instead of thinking "I can't do this," or "I'm not strong enough," during your workouts, tell yourself "I am powerful," "I am strong," and "I am proud of the effort I'm putting in to care for my health today," Wells said.

This will help push you, and you'll also start to believe the positive affirmations.

Gratitude

At the end of each workout, Wells recommends placing one hand on your heart and one on your stomach and taking a minute to thank your body for carrying you through the workout, the day, and your life, and be proud of yourself.

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"It doesn't matter if it was only a 10 minute session, it doesn't matter if you didn't sweat at all, it doesn't matter if you only did a light walk or if you happened to hit your personal record — what matters is that you are claiming whatever effort you put in for your own empowerment," she said.

More isn't always better

Learning that more exercise doesn't always lead to better results has been really helpful in getting rid of rest day guilt for me.

Not every session needs to be grueling to be effective either.

"How much you sweat isn't necessarily an indicator of how hard you've worked," Cringle said. "It's important to have different levels of intensity when training so you can work different energy systems."

You shouldn't beat yourself up for taking rest days, they're key.

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"Your body needs to recover so your muscles can repair in order for you to make progress with your training," Cringle said. "Over-training can also lead to burn-out and won't allow you to enjoy your training – so make sure you rest as hard as you work."

Wishing you well,

Rachel

As a senior health reporter at Insider and a self-described fitness fanatic with an Association for Nutrition-certified nutrition course under her belt, Rachel Hosie is immersed in the wellness scene and here to answer all your burning questions. Whether you're struggling to find the motivation to go for a run, confused about light versus heavy weights, or unsure whether you should be worried about how much sugar is in a mango, Rachel is here to give you the no-nonsense answers and advice you need, with strictly no fad diets in sight.

Rachel has a wealth of experience covering fitness, nutrition, and wellness, and she has the hottest experts at her fingertips. She regularly speaks to some of the world's most knowledgeable and renowned personal trainers, dietitians, and coaches, ensuring she's always up to date with the latest science-backed facts you need to know to live your happiest and healthiest life.

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Have a question? Ask Rachel at workingitout@insider.com or fill out this anonymous form. All questions will be published anonymously.

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