- Dr. Joy Henningsen is a diagnostic radiologist and medical news contributor based in Alabama.
- During the pandemic, she says you can still date safely by vetting potential matches in several ways.
- Henningsen recommends using apps that let you set
COVID preferences and beginning with virtual dates.
For nearly a year now, people have been buzzing about the surge in online dating brought on by the pandemic. While I generally recommend using statistics to one's advantage - particularly in the ultimate numbers game that is finding a life partner - I'm a late arrival to
Professionally, I've been busier than ever the past year as a
But it's left little time for dating (or whatever we're calling its pandemic substitute). Aside from a virtual date with a national political correspondent and a brief video chat with a consultant in New York, I've barely even looked at the
I began 2020 newly single in London on a sabbatical, only to have to return home early to Chicago because of an emerging global pathogen. In the months that followed, I temporarily left big-city life to quarantine in Alabama to help my mother through organ transplant surgery.
My life has honestly felt like a Hallmark classic - urban professional relocates to small town - except for one crucial detail: then she bumps into a handsome stranger in a coffee shop. Of course, that hasn't been my reality. Besides work, like many of us, I've avoided dating and spent most of the past year at home because I practice the COVID safety I preach.
But being a glass-half-full sort of person, I view being late to the pandemic dating game as a strategic advantage for a few reasons.
For those of us looking for something serious, the ultimate goal of dating hasn't changed
Finding a lasting, meaningful romantic relationship with that special someone is the ideal ending for many of us. Precisely because shared values matter, anyone taking pandemic protocols seriously should be looking for someone who also checks the COVID-safety boxes - someone who similarly understands the importance of masking, distancing, and getting vaccinated to help society.
There's also the potential to tease out information not only about who someone is (the point of dating in general) but also who they were during the pandemic. This allows you to see how someone responds to stressors during a crisis and what their coping mechanisms are.
It doesn't take a medical degree to figure out who's been smart and who hasn't, but dating like a doctor may help you sort out whether or not someone is taking the pandemic seriously, because we physicians have mastered two qualities pandemic dating requires: COVID safety and delayed gratification.
To assess a person's seriousness toward COVID safety protocols, here's how I suggest vetting potential matches:
1. Take advantage of 'travel mode' features
Some apps offer travel modes that enable users to survey profiles outside their geographic area. This allows you to cast your net far and wide into the dating pool.
For me, this feature has been invaluable since I'm currently in an area with few like-minded people. I've been almost exclusively looking outside my region and sense a greater receptiveness from others to matches outside their region than before the pandemic. Using travel mode also means you can afford to be picky, because the numbers are in your favor.
2. Prioritize apps that allow users to update their COVID preferences
Online dating takes time, so find an app that does the heavy lifting for you and offers filters for the information you want.
For example, Bumble asks users to note whether they'd prefer a virtual or in-person first date, and it's become my go-to app for this reason.
If you're a cautious type, but your potential match goes on in-person dates with multiple different people or doesn't believe in wearing masks to protect others, being able to promptly identify that deal breaker helps you avoid wasting your time.
3. Look for profile clues with respect to COVID safety
See any mask photos modeling good behavior? An absence of PPE in photos by no means indicates a person isn't following COVID safety, as the photos may have been taken pre-pandemic, but the presence of such a photo may be a good initial sign. Conversely, maskless group photos captioned circa March 2020 to present are red flags.
If a user opts to link their social media pages to their dating profile, you can also scroll through their feeds for additional hints at how they behaved during the pandemic. I've ruled out more than a few promising candidates when I saw risky behavior immortalized on their social media feeds - like one person who thought spending St. Patrick's Day maskless with half of Chicago was a good idea.
4. During chats, make sure matches are not "maskerading," i.e., engaging in COVID mitigation theater
Pre-pandemic, some dates were willing to say anything to get what they wanted. Humans being humans, it's likely little has changed, so the possibility for manipulation remains real.
If someone mirrors your COVID safety preferences merely because they think that's what's required to get a date with you - a phenomenon dating site Plenty of Fish dubbed "maskerading" - you could be putting yourself and those in your pandemic pod at risk.
Do your due diligence. Ask as many questions as needed to find out if a person honored stay-at-home orders, lockdowns, etc. My New York video date mentioned he was being "safe," so I decided to see what that meant to him. Turns out, our definitions of "safe" were very different, which meant I had to give him the virtual boot, which brings me to:
5. 'Fauci' (i.e., eliminate) matches that don't take your health - or that of others - seriously
Another gem from the Plenty of Fish's 2021 trend list: To "Fauci" someone - give anyone not taking pandemic precautions seriously the heave-ho.
Perhaps a person seems perfect for you in some ways, but they're thoughtless about what you (and by extension, your loved ones, or anyone you share a pandemic pod with) need to feel safe.
Don't hesitate to unmatch anyone who cannot think beyond themselves. Lives are literally at stake. Next candidate.
-Joy Henningsen, MD (@JoyHenningsenMD) March 13, 2021
6. Reduce risk by starting off with virtual dates before progressing to masked, outdoor dates
When you and a suitable human hit it off, play it safe with virtual dates initially. If things go well and there's a romantic connection, progress to masked, distanced outdoor dates. If you're used to the multiple-dating scenarios the apps presented pre-pandemic, this may be a departure for you, but it's important to be responsible to protect others and end the pandemic sooner. Choosing to get to know one person the old fashioned way is definitely safer during this time. It may be more meaningful too!
7. Get the first vaccine offered to you to speed up the virtual-to-mask-less process (with some caveats)
All of the emergency-authorized COVID-19 vaccines provide strong protection against serious disease, hospitalization, and death. These vaccines are nothing short of miraculous and are key to getting our old lives back. Take the first one offered to you - I did!
Getting the jab may also make you more attractive as a match to someone practicing COVID safety, especially since the CDC released new guidelines allowing fully vaccinated people to visit indoors with other fully vaccinated people without masks or distancing. If you're fully vaccinated and lucky enough to find someone you're interested in who is vaccinated too, this is a game changer.
Some emerging data also suggests vaccines help reduce transmission of the virus, but we'll know much more about whether or not vaccinated people can be carriers in a few months.
8. Be a force for positive contagion
The kind of fish you catch depends on the kind of bait you use. To find someone who's been a smart, cautious, altruistic human over the last year, you've got to be that person too.
See dating during the pandemic for the blessing it can be: a chance to get to know someone when you can learn what they're really made of, during a time when it appears many are looking for something more meaningful.
Dr. Joy Henningsen is a physician and medical news contributor who covers the pandemic and pop culture. Follow her on Twitter.