7 things you should never say to a coworker who just got laid off
"What was the conversation like?"
Career experts warn against asking nosy, invasive questions about the reason someone was laid off, what happened during the conversation with management, a severance package, and other details.
While you might be curious (and worried your own job is at risk), you should not ask someone to relive a potentially traumatic moment.
"Don't probe for details because you may be adding salt on the the wound and make them feel uncomfortable," Michael Kerr, an international business speaker and author of "The Humor Advantage," said.
Instead, ask open-ended questions like, "How are you feeling?" That way, the person who has been laid off can lead the conversation, said Marc Cenedella, founder and CEO of Ladders job search.
"On the upside, you'll be able to sleep in as long as possible!"
Many people may think adding humor to the situation can lighten the mood and cheer up a laid-off coworker.
But Kerr says to be cautious — often, light-hearted comments come across as insensitive.
"Be careful with humor, because that's the natural reaction to try to maybe lighten the mood," he said. "But of course it's not perceived that way."
"You'll bounce back in no time!"
Many people do not land their next job immediately after getting laid off, according to Kerr. In fact, job experts recommend taking a short vacation after the layoff to consider your next options and give yourself time to recharge.
While saying things like "you'll be back on your feet soon" might sound helpful, your colleague won't actually move on right away.
"A lot of the research suggests no, it'll take a while for a lot of people [to move on]," Kerr added.
"We were all going to go to the concert but we figured you wouldn't want to go anymore."
If you remain friends with the laid-off colleague after they leave, try not to make assumptions about what they want or their financial situation in the aftermath of a layoff. While the laid-off coworker may well be tight on money, ostracizing them from social events without asking is unnecessarily cruel, said Cenedella.
"Making assumptions about what the person wants to do or how they're feeling as a result of the situation doesn't help," Cenedella said. "Don't make the decision for them."
"The person who laid you off is a total jerk."
Having a close coworker get laid off can be an emotionally taxing situation for those who remain behind, Kerr said. Oftentimes, they feel just as angry at the company for firing their trusted colleague. Other times, the person who did not get laid off goes through "survivor's guilt," and questions why they got to remain.
All the confusion and mixed emotions might lead you to vent angrily about the company with your laid-off coworker.
But Kerr said to resist the temptation. Making the other person angry won't help them move on, and talking negatively about the company you still have to work at could have repercussions if your conversation gets out.
"Be careful picking sides and remember that even if it's someone who you consider a friend, chances are you don't know both sides of the story," Kerr said. "You need to manage your own feelings."
"Here's what you should do."
Offering advice might seem benign, but nobody wants to think about the arduous job-hunting process right after they get laid off, Kerr said.
If you do want to be helpful, you can tell the laid-off coworker you'll connect them with your professional network or refer that person to a position elsewhere. Before offering them advice, however, ask permission and avoid beginning the statement with "you should do..."
"I think that's a very supportive, positive thing to do, if you can genuinely offer advice in terms of next steps in what they should do," Kerr said.
"Oh my gosh, what are you going to do?"
Since layoffs come as a shock to most, your colleague likely won't have a plan in mind right away, said Lynn Taylor, workplace expert and author of "Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant: How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job."
"The person is in a state of shock, they are not in a planning mode," Taylor said. "They are subconsciously worried about their next move, so there's no need to remind them of future uncertainty."
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