How to date as a single parent - without feeling like it's a waste of time

Flickr / Thomas Hawk

As you start to play the field again, there's a chance your kids will have their own feelings, potentially negative ones, about the whole thing.

• Being a single parent is no easy feat, especially if you add dating into the mix.
• If you manage your expectations, lead with honesty, and acknowledge your kids' fears, it can make entering the dating world as a mom or dad much easier and fun.
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When you first become a single parent, either through the birth of a child or a relationship separation, dating is likely the last thing on your mind as you do your best to balance work and parenting without a live-in partner. But after you get a handle on things, you may be interested in getting into, or back into, the dating game.

Read more: 'Slow dating' could be the key to finding better relationship matches on dating apps

And while that interest can also come with a bit of anxiety or fear over how to juggle it all, it's definitely possible and good for you and your kids too, according to Andi Forness, an online dating coach and divorced single mom of two high-school-aged boys.

"Part of being human is wanting to go out, have fun, and be treated well," Forness told Business Insider. She added that it's important for your kids to see the whole dating process unfold because "it gives them guidance on what to expect going forward" from you as a single parent. It can also offer an example of what healthy dating and relationships should look like as your kids get older.

If you're ready to jump into the dating world as a single parent, follow these four tips to have the best experience possible.

Have realistic expectations about the dating process

Before you even start dating with your new identity, Forness said it's important to set realistic expectations for the experience.

As a single parent, it's likely your schedule is already packed with work, taking your kids to school and after-school activities, making meals, and much more. So when you set aside your precious time for a date, it can feel like it has to be a great experience in order for it to be worth prioritizing over other things in your life.

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For newly single parents, dating is often about having fun and exploring a new side of yourself without looking for a commitment.

But viewing it that way isn't helpful. Instead, Forness suggested carving out the time to explore that part of yourself without such high expectations. "Allow yourself an hour or so to date each week, even if you don't have a date lined up, just to make you less attached to the idea each date has to be 'worth it,'" Forness said.

She recommended setting aside time in your calendar since people, especially single parents, often find themselves overbooked and are then too burned out to date. If you make it part of your schedule, though, it becomes a part of your life rather than a sacrifice for something else and also lowers the stakes of the whole experience.

Be upfront with your dates about what you want from the experience

Once you start going on dates, lead with honesty. For newly single parents, dating is often about having fun and exploring a new side of yourself without looking for a commitment.

Read more: A therapist says there are 3 steps people can take to have a successful first date

While that may be true for you, it may not be the case for every person you match with, so Forness said you should be clear about what you're looking for (or not looking for) from the experience. "That sets you up for success and the appropriate expectations," Forness said.

You should also be upfront about how much time you're able to dedicate to dating as a single parent.

Honor your kids' objections, but don't let them stop you from getting out there

As you start to play the field, there's a chance your kids will have their own feelings, potentially negative ones, about the whole thing. These feelings are completely normal and you should acknowledge them, Forness said.

"Address their concerns because they usually stem from fear," Forness said. Sure, it can be uncomfortable to hear your child say they feel like you're replacing their other parent and your now-ex, for example, but it's your job to quell that fear without giving into it.

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It's OK to tell your kids about your plans to date.

"Honor their objections by saying 'I hear you,' but say dating is also something you need," Forness said.

The conversation you have will depend on yours kids' ages, but it's always good to reassure them that you'll still have one-on-one time together and that dating will just take up a couple hours of your time each week.

Read more: 5 questions to ask yourself to determine if your relationship is moving too fast

Allow yourself to have guilt-free fun

Of course, dating can include sex, and if that's something you want to do, go for it.

According to Forness, being able to enjoy sex with other people is one of the benefits of being a single parent and as long as you're respectful of your kids' privacy, you can swing play time with your dates.

"Get creative," Forness said, like having sex during your lunch break, when your kids are likely at school or day care. If your kids' other parent is involved, you can also schedule your romps around when they'll be taking care of the kids. It may help to date people who don't have kids of their own, too.

Read more: The 5 books that relationship therapists think everyone should read

Lastly, don't write off treating yourself to a hotel or babysitter for your kids every now and then. The occassional break can allow you to return to your kids an even better parent.