How to know if your partner is emotionally cheating - or if you're just jealous

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It's okay for your and your partner to have your own friends.

• In recent years, the concept of "emotional cheating," or having a non-physical romantic connection with someone who isn't your partner, has entered the cultural zeitgeist.
• Emotional cheating can be difficult to discern because a romantic betrayal on their part and jealousy on yours can look similar.
• If your partner's actions continually put them at an emotional or physical distance from you, it could mean they're emotionally cheating. Otherwise, you might just be jealous for no good reason.
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Infidelity has long been considered the physical act of having sex with someone outside of your relationship or marriage. But in recent years, the concept of "emotional cheating," or having a non-physical romantic connection with someone who isn't your partner, has entered the cultural zeitgeist.

Emotional cheating "is characterized by these kind of microcheating behaviors that could lead to more intense sexual behaviors," Tammy Nelson - a psychotherapist and independent consultant for Ashley Madison, a dating site that posits "Life is short. Have an affair" - previously told Insider.

Some U.S. states even take emotional cheating as seriously as physical cheating and have alienation of affections laws, which state a person can sue their partner for monetary damages if that partner has an extramarital affair. To prove alienation of affection, the prosecutor doesn't have to prove their partner had sex with a third party, but just that their partner engaged in an extramarital relationship that caused them to receive less love and attention than if the "affair" didn't occur.

But although emotional cheating is a very real thing that can cause two partners to drift apart and even end their relationship, it can be difficult to define the fine line between a romantic betrayal and being overly jealous of your partner's friendships.

In relationship therapist Esther Perel's book "State of Affairs," she delves into this gray area and explains how to know whether or not your partner has crossed the line into emotional cheating.

Love-based marriages have cemented the concept of emotional cheating

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"Our model of romantic love is one in which we expect our partner to be our principal emotional companion - the only one with whom we share our deepest dreams, regrets, and anxieties," Perel wrote.

Back in the day when people married out of necessity rather than for love-based reasons, affairs were more cut-and-dry and focused on the physical. But today, "marriage is wedded to the concept of emotional intimacy and naked honesty," Perel wrote in "State of Affairs."

"Our model of romantic love is one in which we expect our partner to be our principal emotional companion - the only one with whom we share our deepest dreams, regrets, and anxieties," Perel wrote.

As a result, when a person in a monogamous relationship perceives that sort of emotional intimacy with another person, they could interpret that as emotional cheating.

Read more: The 2 types of difficult conversations all couples should have before marriage

If your partner is physically and emotionally distant, they could be emotionally cheating on you

There's no single red flag that determines whether your partner has emotionally cheated, but actions that put you and your partner at both a literal and emotional distance could be clues.

If, for example, you notice your partner's cell phone and computer usage has significantly increased for no apparent reason, they spend a lot more time at work (or under the guise of work), or their sexual interest in you seems to be waning, it could mean their romantic emotional capacity that was once reserved for you is being spent on another person.

And, emotional cheating can become physical cheating, Nelson said.

"When a woman complains that her partner is completely absorbed with his new 'friend' - Snapchatting at all hours, texting, making her playlists - I sympathize with her frustration but also clarify that what's bothering her is not just emotional, it's sexual," Perel wrote.

There's also a chance you're just jealous of your partner's platonic relationships

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It's unhealthy for a person to place all of their emotional needs onto one person.

On the other hand, it's possible for your partner to be emotionally close to others without it being emotional cheating. In fact, it's unhealthy for a person to place all of their emotional needs onto one person, even if that person is their romantic life partner. That's why friendships are so important.

Read more: How to know if you've fallen out of love - and if your relationship is salvageable

Healthy platonic relationship behaviors can include asking friends for career, family, or relationship advice (so long as your partner doesn't breach your own privacy when asking), spending time on a mutual hobby with a friend, or having inside jokes with each other.

If, when your partner spends time with their own friends, you feel betrayed or defensive, it could actually mean you're being overly jealous, not that your partner is emotionally cheating.

Read more: The 2 kinds of relationship secrets you should never talk about with friends

What's more, if you monitor your partner's social media or emails, question all of their friendships, or accuse them of being unfaithful with no concrete evidence, it could mean you're being jealous and codependent to the point it could be detrimental to your relationship.

In these cases, being honest with your partner about your insecurities and making an effort to personally work on them through therapy could help prevent your jealousy from ending your relationship.