The 2 types of fights that can end your relationship, according to therapists

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Any topic that "feels foundational to what we are that's being challenged or minimized," has the potential to result in a fight, Scott said.

• No two people can agree on everything, even, and perhaps especially, people in committed and loving relationships.
• Not all arguments mean your relationship is doomed, but fights that challenge a person's values have the potential to end a relationship because they can make a person feel like they're sacrificing too much.
• Fights about having kids, who's in charge of raising the kids, how much you each make, and financial planning are all topics that can reflect values and so have the potential to derail a relationship.
• But couples can also disagree about these topics and come out stronger if they come from a place of understanding rather than defensiveness.
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No two people can agree on everything, even - and perhaps especially - people in committed and loving relationships.

In fact, psychologist John Gottman, founder of the Gottman Institute and the University of Washington's Love Lab, says that 69 percent of marital conflict never gets resolved, according to the American Psychological Association.

But couples therapists told Business Insider that while there's no single topic that's sure to derail a relationship (and no single topic that's always safe), relationship-ending fights have a few themes in common. Namely, they they threaten one or both partners' values or are conducted in hostile manner.

Read more: How to know if someone is a serial cheater or if they've actually made a mistake, according to a therapist

Here's how to tell if your fight or fighting style is a real threat to your relationship.

Most relationship-ending fights are related to individual values

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Whether or not you want to have kids can be tied to your values and lead to contention if your partner doesn't share those values.

Usually, relationship-ending fights stem from needs-based differences, Kelly Scott, a licensed mental health counselor at Tribeca Therapy, told Business Insider. One partner, for example, may need children to feel fulfilled in life while the other partner would feel more fulfilled without children.

"When those needs are challenged" by your partner, Scott said, "an argument can get heated really fast" because it can feel like their differing viewpoint is a direct attack on what you hold important in life. "We respond in a certain way when we feel trapped," Scott added.

Similarly, Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a New York City-based neuropsychologist and faculty member at Columbia University, said fights that lead to a relationship's demise typically challenge one partner's value system to the point they'd rather give up their relationship than compromise those values.

Money-related fights are one common example.

"One partner who saves or is conservative may want a home or retirement money," Hafeez told Business Insider. "Another who believes in living in the moment may blow a bonus on a vacation. It puts people on different paths and makes them feel insecure, scared about their future, and potentially disrespected."

One July 2013 study of 4,500 couples even found that money-related arguments were the hardest type for couples to rebound from because these fights lasted longer and partners used harsher words with each other compared to fights about other issues.

"Results revealed it didn't matter how much you made or how much you were worth. Arguments about money are the top predictor for divorce because it happens at all levels," the researchers wrote in a press release.

Read more: I want to move in with my girlfriend, but she's a spender and I'm a saver. How can we avoid financial tension when we're sharing a roof?

Fights about how much time one partner commits to their career and how involved a couple is with one partner's family also reflect potential differences in values.

But just because you and your partner have different views on money or family doesn't mean your relationship is doomed.

It's more about how you fight than the topic itself

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If you have compassion for your partner and their values, you're more likely to survive a big fight.

Scott said it's impossible to pinpoint one fight-worthy topic that would definitely lead to every couple's demise. "It's less about the content of the fight and more about the process," she said.

If a partner or partners see their differing views as a chance to prove they're right, Scott said, it can result in a mean-spirited argument regardless of the exact topic that incited the fight. Likewise, when disagreements are met with defensiveness and emotional tension, they can result in a serious fight that's difficult to rebound from.

On the flip side, if a couple discusses points of contention from a place of wanting to understand why the other partner has the stance they do, they're more likely to find a compromise. It might take time and multiple conversations, but it's possible.

In fact, a 2012 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that couples who learn to argue with each other in a gentle and communicative way were more likely to have lasting marriages than couples who resorted to angry and hostile fighting styles. (Those mean-spirited fighters' marriages more often ended in divorce.)

"Things can be surprisingly negotiable," Scott said. "When people come down on opposite sides, it's important to explore why that is because sometimes it's based in fear, not reality."