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I demand a do-over on the East Coast earthquake

Katie Notopoulos   

I demand a do-over on the East Coast earthquake

At approximately 10:24 a.m. Eastern, I exited the elevators of the Business Insider offices in lower Manhattan, walked through the lobby, and into the nearly empty office. (It's Friday, hardly anyone comes in.) A coworker immediately asked me, "Did you feel that? That rumbling? Like the building moved. Almost like an earthquake? Like a minute ago."

I did not feel that.

I opened X and saw a string of tweets of people who had just experienced a rare East Coast earthquake. My heart sank.

I couldn't believe it! I must've been in the moving elevator the moment it happened, which I imagine negated the rumbling feeling by its own movement. (Let's put aside that if the earthquake had been more substantial, an elevator would be a terrifying place to be.)

I probably spend 0.1% of my waking month in a moving elevator and 98% of my time sitting in a chair, the other 1.9% is split between exercise and sitting on the toilet. What are the chances!!!!! I'm furious!!!!!

A 4.8 on the Richter scale is big enough to make it the third-biggest earthquake to hit New Jersey in recorded history and the biggest in the last 250 years (thankfully, there have been no reported injuries or destruction).

As a lifelong East Coast resident, I've never gotten to feel a real earthquake, and I am absolutely furious that I missed this. I know that other people missed it, too — some of my coworkers in the office noticed; others didn't. Some people told me they thought it was just a train passing.

I demand a do-over. I think it's only fair that we should get to have a new earthquake, but this time tell everyone when it's coming so that the people who missed it can get a second chance.

Now I'm reasonable here, so I understand that it doesn't make sense to have the whole greater New York area hit. We can localize it — I'm willing to travel to New Jersey, even.

I propose we get a new earthquake next weekend, at the American Dream Mall in East Rutherford, New Jersey. Anyone who missed it this time is welcome to show up and get a few seconds of light rumbling and a sense of awe and wonder at the natural majesty of an ever-shifting planet, the chance to feel like a tiny speck of dust on his ball of rock and lava that wobbles just like it did when the dinosaurs roamed.

Plus, I've been curious to check out the roller coaster there.

See you there!



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