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I have 11 children and had to raise them as a single mother. I adjust my parenting to fit each of their needs.

Ash Jurberg   

I have 11 children and had to raise them as a single mother. I adjust my parenting to fit each of their needs.
Thelife4 min read
  • Kelly Norris had her first child when she was 14 years old after a one-night stand.
  • The fathers of her 11 children are not involved in their upbringing.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Kelly Norris. It has been edited for length and clarity.

My parents left me when I was young, and I was raised by my grandparents. They were abusive toward me, and I moved to live in a shelter when I was 12.

At 14, I got pregnant — it was the first time I had sex, and it was a one-night stand I have no memory of. I was naive and had no sexual education.

I didn't even realize I was pregnant until eight months into the pregnancy, when I started experiencing terrible cramps and saw a doctor. When the doctor told me I was pregnant, I was shocked and completely unprepared.

I was kicked out of the shelter when they learned I was pregnant and moved to live in a home run by nuns

I wanted an education, so I received permission to start seventh grade and take my child to school with me. But the baby was seen as a distraction to other students, and faced with a choice between school and raising my son, I chose my son.

I was miserable living with the nuns, and when I turned 16, I left and moved into government housing. A year later, I got pregnant again. This time, I was in a relationship with an older man.

When he found out I was pregnant, he became abusive and threatened to harm my first child and me. He wanted me out of the picture and the baby to himself. I found it hard to leave him, but fearing for my safety, I left.

I moved to another state into government housing for people fleeing domestic violence

I was 18 with two young children and had no family support. My parents still wanted nothing to do with me — my first child was biracial, which they disapproved of.

I filed for full custody of both my children, which was granted, and I turned to a small local church to provide some guidance and support.

Through the church, I met someone, and we hit it off. He was a recent immigrant from Africa. We connected, and more importantly, he bonded with my two young children. We soon fell in love. After five years together, we got married in 2002. We were married for eight years and had five children together.

Unfortunately, he was a seaman and away from home almost all the time. So I was home alone and raising seven children by myself. I felt like a single parent. Eventually, we decided to separate.

After separating, I got a job working in a nursing home, where I fell in love again

I met my second husband at the eldercare facility; he worked there as a cook. After a few years, we got married and had four children together.

Despite being married, I still felt like a single parent, as my husband worked long hours and seemed to come home only to sleep.

Parenting was harder than ever in 2007: My third-oldest child was diagnosed with autism-spectrum disorder.

Soon after, my younger children started displaying signs of mental-health conditions

I started seeing behaviors in five of my younger children that indicated signs of ASD, intellectual disability, and oppositional defiant disorder. These conditions required new parenting skills as I tried to understand how to help each best individually.

I divorced my second husband in 2018 and focused entirely on my children. My biggest challenge has been advocating for my children to obtain and maintain support. To further complicate matters, I have also recently been diagnosed with ASD.

I don't have any contact with my first husband, nor does he have contact with any of his children. My second husband has regular contact with my children.

My main focus has been to build my children's capacity to learn and develop themselves into independent people who can live fulfilled lives.

Thankful, I have secured the assistance of two support workers who help me with my children, and they have been a godsend.

I'm seeing someone

I met my current partner a year ago, but we live very separate lives. I have come to understand that my lifestyle and his lifestyle are very different. I have 11 children, and he has none.

I try to keep him at arm's length and use my time with him as my respite — a break from the daily chaos in my home. He has been very supportive, and I enjoy spending time with him, but my children come first.

It's been a challenge, and I have struggled mentally, financially, and socially, fighting against the stigmas of having several multiracial children with multiple dads. But I look back at everything I have achieved for my children with pride. I have established a stable and loving home and created memories with every one of them.

Most of the time, I have done this by myself, and to me, that's the true meaning of being a mother.

When I look back on where I've come from — a 14-year-old mother living in a shelter — to where I am today, I feel so proud of all I have achieved, and I know my children feel the same.


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