<ul class="summary-list"><li>I make a good living as a freelance writer, but I still have debt and financial anxiety.</li><li>There are some emotional reasons behind my financial habits and I recently sought help for both.</li></ul>Last year, I made $250,000 before taxes as a self-employed writer, yet I'm still in debt. While I could justify my financial situation easily — living in an expensive city like New York makes my $250,000 pre-tax income <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/making-six-figure-salary-in-new-york-feels-like-36k-2023-3"><u>feel like about $90,000</u></a> after taxes — I also realized this spring that I have underlying emotional reasons that keep me stuck in negative financial patterns, and I'm ready to change them.<br /><br />My debt is a hangover from my childhood trust issues. It's my biggest barrier to intimacy and keeps me stuck in a <keyword id="18761161" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="peter-pan-like" source="Orion">Peter Pan-like</keyword> cycle of never being ready for the life I want. So, this spring, I made a big adult move: I hired my first financial planner, a couples-focused money counselor and licensed therapist named <a target="_blank" href="https://www.healthyloveandmoney.com/"><u>Ed Coambs,</u></a> who writes and speaks about the connection between money and emotional intimacy.<br /><br />So why did a couples-focused financial planner agree to meet with me — a single, childless, 33-year-old with debt and trust issues? He said that working with me still counts as working with a couple because clearing my money shame will help me become more emotionally available to an equally stable partner.<br /><br />And, like all good therapy, my journey started with getting honest.<br /><br /><h2>What financial intimacy feels like — and why it's so scary</h2>Before we ever talked about his fees or services, <keyword id="18761159" type="General" weightage="80" keywordseo="coambs" source="Orion">Coambs</keyword> offered me two free one-hour <keyword id="10296" type="General" weightage="50" keywordseo="zoom" source="Orion">Zoom</keyword> sessions to discuss the process of working one-on-one with a financial planner. Unpracticed in sharing details about my finances with someone, I was nervous.<br /><br />He asked me about my financial goals and habits, along with a few questions meant to uncover my deeper financial beliefs. He inquired about the positive lessons I picked up from my family of origin, along with any limiting notions or knowledge gaps.<br /><br />During our conversation, I felt wary and doubtful, a reaction I'd also experienced before while dating. As someone working through abandonment and trust issues, I often scrutinize my dates, searching for reasons to reject them preemptively. But what if there was another approach — in both dating and other contexts?<br /><br />Rather than let my fears rule the show, I made a list of questions for Coambs and interviewed five other planners to compare my options. Unlike the child who felt abandoned, I realized I now had adult tools to advocate for myself. Coambs respected my questions, answered them thoughtfully, and emphasized that the choice ultimately lay with me. As I signed off Zoom that day, I realized I would only see progress with a financial planner if I showed up with courage and sincerity.<br /><br /><h2>Working with a fee-only financial planner</h2>I ended up hiring Coambs. He is a <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/personal-finance/fee-only-financial-advisor"><u>fee-only fiduciary,</u></a> meaning he doesn't profit from any investments he recommends, but instead charges a straightforward flat rate for our work together. (A tip for anyone <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/personal-finance/why-hire-fee-only-financial-advisor-2019-6"><u>hiring their first financial planner</u></a>: A fee-only structure is meant to avoid conflicts of interest.)<br /><br />When I hired him in July 2023, Coambs' rate was on a sliding scale based on a client's income and financial standing. It started at $5,000 a year plus 1% of the client's overall net worth. My payment, Coambs informed me, could be broken into monthly, quarterly, or annual installments. I chose the quarterly option.<br /><br /><h2>Thinking ahead and designing your life</h2>Though $5,000 may seem like a steep fee for someone new to financial planning, it is significantly less than the price I've already paid for trying to manage my money alone for the past two years as a sole proprietor without support. In my first two years of self-employment, I've missed out on opportunities for tax savings while paying interest on debt that I've tried repeatedly to pay off.<br /><br />As Coambs reminded me, now that I am capable of making $250,000 a year (or more!), I could make $1 million in revenue over the next four years. The opportunity cost of not properly planning what to do with a million dollars is steep. In four years, I don't want to still be living in my small studio apartment, paying off debt, and feeling confused about how much I owe in taxes; I want to have a healthy savings account, a growing retirement fund, and a home where I feel excited to start a family.<br /><br /><h2>How to forgive yourself for past — or current — financial mistakes</h2>Despite my new enthusiasm, there was one step I was dreading: After our preliminary meetings, I would have to link my accounts to Coambs' financial-planning software. I was embarrassed. He would soon see all my account balances, including my debt.<br /><br />I'm still paying off <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/personal-finance/graduate-school-worth-student-loans-its-complicated-2019-7"><u>five figures in student loans</u></a> I took out between 2015 to 2017. I also racked up some credit-card and personal-loan debt when I quit my job to freelance full time in 2021. Though I surpassed my revenue expectations in my first two years of self-employment, I also spent money on what felt like failed experiments: signing up for an expensive mastermind program that didn't actually help me, impulse purchasing logos on Fiverr, paying a website designer and copywriter for an idea before testing the proof-of-concept, hiring an assistant for two months without a plan for making back my return on investment — you get the idea.<br /><br />A lot of trial and error is involved with running your own business. Sensing my embarrassment, Coambs asked me to describe my feelings. I said I felt ashamed that I — a financial journalist — could have spent years reporting on money-related topics without applying that knowledge to my personal situation and becoming debt-free.<br /><br />He reminded me how normal it is for human beings to learn concepts intellectually before actually practicing them in their life and acknowledged my integrity for seeking support to improve my situation. He also introduced the human-capital theory to me, which is an economic theory that validates the choice to use debt to pay for experiences that help us grow. Given that much of my debt comes from education and funding my business, this shifted my perspective and helped me release some of my shame.<br /><br /><h2>Covering my financial-planning basics</h2>Once Coambs and I began to clear my lingering money shame, we focused on financial-planning basics. Though we're still early in our work together, we've outlined a plan with a few key focus areas:<br /><br /><h3>Understanding my 'financial attachment' style</h3>I have an <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/guides/health/mental-health/anxious-attachment-style"><u>anxious attachment style</u></a> in personal relationships, and I'll admit my money-management style is also fraught with anxiety. According to Coambs, those with an anxious attachment style may have trouble saving money or even accrue debt because of impulsive decisions made from an underlying fear that money will "abandon" us or run out.<br /><br />In a traditional financial-planning session, I'd probably internalize all of my anxiety and focus only on the numbers. But in sessions with a licensed therapist and certified financial planner like Coambs, clients are encouraged to talk through their feelings. It's easier to make intentional decisions once we neutralize the doom-and-gloom scenarios living rent-free in our minds.<br /><br /><h3>Tax planning as a self-employed freelancer</h3>As a self-employed freelancer, one of my first priorities is going to be setting up my business in tax-incentivized ways, saving for taxes every month, and paying them in quarterly installments.<br /><br /><h3>Saving for retirement</h3>With the days of an employer matching my 401(k) behind me, retirement planning is also going to be one of my top financial-planning priorities in 2024. After talking with a fellow self-employed creator, I realized I was paying almost double in taxes as an individual than what I would have if I'd <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-know-elect-s-corporation-status-freelancer-taxes-2022-1">filed for S-corporation status</a>, which is something I'm bringing to my work with Coambs to plan better for 2024.<br /><br /><h3>Diversifying revenue streams</h3>Though I don't know exactly what my future holds, I know I'd like the ability to scale back my working hours in the next few years when I'm ready to become a parent. I will need to set up some income streams that are less tied to my productivity, whether they be real estate, digital products, or investment vehicles. Coambs and I have not begun to discuss the specifics, but this is definitely on my to-do list.<br /><br /><h2>Becoming more financially transparent — and more emotionally available</h2>Working with a therapy-informed financial planner is good practice for letting another human being into my emotional and financial worlds.<br /><br />Having a financial plan is also a huge confidence boost when dating. I feel less embarrassed about my past, more sure-footed about my future, and certain of the value (financial and otherwise) I will bring to a potential partnership.<br /><br />And as someone <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/spouse-partner-helping-teach-me-about-budgeting-2023-9">still paying off debt</a>, I know I won't need my partner to save me. Rather, I'm looking for someone to cheer me on and be my emotional confidant as I walk the path I've created independently — and maybe, with time, that path will merge with theirs.<br /><br />

I make $250K a year but still have financial anxiety and debt. A financial therapist is helping me let go of my shame — and set myself up for the future.

<ul class="summary-list"><li>Americans are miserable. They're sick of the pandemic and hate the <keyword id="11893570" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="economy" source="Orion">economy</keyword>.</li><li>That's despite vaccines, economic growth, and lingering savings from pandemic stimulus.</li></ul><p>Americans are miserable.</p><p>They're more miserable <a href="https://thewhyaxis.substack.com/p/new-data-shows-americans-more-miserable">than they have been in half a century</a>. New data from the <a href="https://gssdataexplorer.norc.org/trends">General Social Survey</a> — an ongoing study from NORC at the University of Chicago that's one of the most <a href="https://www.norc.org/Research/Projects/Pages/general-social-survey.aspx">influential social projects</a> in the US — found that the percentage of Americans feeling "very happy" plunged from 32% in 2018 to 19% in 2021, as Americans feeling "not too happy" soared from 13 to 24% in the same time frame.</p><p>After all, we are heading into our third year of the pandemic. While vaccines have enabled us to resume a sense of normality, new variants have kept us on our toes throughout 2021 to the point of exhaustion. We're <a href="https://www.insider.com/parenting-pandemic-sucks-im-trying-to-focus-on-the-good-2022-1">sick of parenting</a> during a pandemic, and <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/new-york-state-covid-19-record-breaking-daily-cases-2021-12">waiting in the cold</a> to get tested, and <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/flight-cancellations-omicron-covid-coronavirus-bad-weather-airlines-travel-holiday-2021-12">dealing with canceled travel plans</a>.</p><p>But the misery is also entrenched in our perception of the economy. Americans' economic hopes <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/consumer-sentiment-january-decade-low-university-michigan-inflation-omicron-2022-1">plummeted to decade lows in January</a> in the University of Michigan's Consumer Sentiment Index. And in a <a href="https://news.gallup.com/poll/389309/americans-offer-gloomy-state-nation-report.aspx">Gallup poll of 811 US adults</a> last month, only 33% said they were satisfied with the economy. Gallup said this signaled a broader dissatisfaction with policies and society as a whole.</p><p>The discontent is at odds with an economy that's looking rather bright. We're in the middle of the <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/biden-gdp-growth-best-since-reagan-inflation-economic-recovery-1984-2022-1">fastest economic expansion since 1984</a>, evidenced by strides in <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/us-gdp-q4-omicron-wave-economic-recovery-coronavirus-recession-rebound-2022-1">productivity</a> and <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/january-jobs-report-467000-payrolls-unemployment-rate-omicron-labor-market-2022-2">hiring</a>. But most Americans don't follow the data that measures these things. Instead, they're stuck at home, worried about rising prices, shortages, work, and childcare, and unable to travel, buy a home, or resume their social lives. Nearly every aspect of the American dream is in jeopardy, and Americans are not OK.</p><p>Ed Coambs, a <a href="https://www.healthyloveandmoney.com/">financial therapist in North Carolina</a>, pointed to a split in awareness between the numbers touted by economists and government officials on the evening news and how people live.</p><p>"Many people, in my experience, do not track macroeconomic trends," he told Insider. "Many people track their lived experience and what is personally important to them."</p><p>And that's put America in a really bad mood. </p><h2>Money problems</h2><p>Wages in the US have risen this year <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/wages-growth-labor-shortage-jobs-report-may-rehire-unemployment-data-2021-6">at the fastest rate since 1983</a>. Plus, some Americans are still <a href="https://www.economist.com/finance-and-economics/will-households-excess-savings-keep-the-american-economy-afloat/21807127">sitting on a savings stash</a> a year after the last stimulus check went out.</p><p>But no one seems to care.</p><p>That's because this all comes at a time when <keyword id="11894140" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="60" keywordseo="inflation" source="Orion">inflation</keyword> is <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/federal-reserve-hints-raise-interest-rates-inflation-fomc-meeting-january-2022-1">lingering at its highest level</a> since 1982. George Loewenstein, a professor of economics and psychology at Carnegie Mellon University, told Insider incomes were starting to rise as a result of the <keyword id="11908404" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="60" keywordseo="labor-shortage" source="Orion">labor shortage</keyword> and a lot of Americans felt they had the opportunity to improve their situations. </p><p>"But one second later, it's grabbed away from them," he said, adding that this made inflation extra frustrating. "The things they would like to use their money for, like cars and houses, are all of a sudden scarce and expensive."</p><p>In the fight of inflation versus wages, <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/employment-cost-index-q4-wage-growth-labor-shortage-job-market-2022-1">inflation is winning</a>. </p><p>It's especially painful for lower-income Americans who can <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/10-million-unemployed-americans-federal-unemployment-benefits-eviction-democrats-2021-9">no longer bank on pandemic relief</a>. About <a href="https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2021-11-16/inflation-set-to-spoil-holidays-for-struggling-u-s-families">one-third of their earnings</a> goes to essentials like food and energy, which have been <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/inflation-rising-food-prices-next-crisis-market-investing-strategy-nomura-2021-11">some of inflation's biggest victims</a>. People are disgruntled about <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/food-inflation-how-much-do-groceries-cost-supply-shortage-inflation-2021-11">shelling out more for milk and bread</a>.</p><p>The rich aren't happy either. Loewenstein likened inflation to a wealth tax for them as they watch the value of their savings shrink. The situation is exacerbated by the fact that interest rates haven't risen with inflation, he said, though the Fed has <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/federal-reserve-hints-raise-interest-rates-inflation-fomc-meeting-january-2022-1">hinted at raising interest rates as soon as March</a> in an effort to cool down prices. But that still comes at a cost, in the form of <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/interest-rates-rising-faster-inflation-federal-reserve-wall-street-forecasts-2022-1">much pricier</a> credit cards and loans. </p><h2><strong>Short on everything</strong></h2><p>Americans are showing their misery in their behavior. Hyperinflation leads to "mad spending patterns," Loewenstein said, but he doesn't think we've gotten to that point yet. That hasn't prevented Americans from <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/americans-spending-goods-versus-experiences-supply-chain-crisis-2021-10">spending more on goods</a> than ever before. It's one of the many factors jamming up the supply chain, <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2022/01/12/business/inflation-supply-chain.html">prompting even higher price hikes</a> in an endless cycle. </p><p>The <keyword id="11929025" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="60" keywordseo="supply-shortage" source="Orion">supply shortage</keyword> — also a result of factory shutdowns, congested shipping ports, <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/supply-shortages-semiconductor-chips-crisis-us-china-trade-war-biden-2021-10">the US-China trade war</a>, bad weather, and <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/global-shipping-traffic-jams-supply-shortage-shipping-delays-higher-prices-2021-9">global traffic jams</a> — has threatened the "just-in-time economy" of the 2000s. Americans are not only paying more for goods but also waiting longer for them. </p><p>It's just as frustrating as the <keyword id="12078059" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="60" keywordseo="housing-shortage" source="Orion">housing shortage</keyword> in a market that's been no match for demand. Unaffordable prices and a lack of starter homes have boxed many aspiring homebuyers, <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/housing-market-forecast-millennials-buying-homes-crisis-2021-4">particularly millennials</a>, out of their homeownership dreams.</p><p>This era of shortages has left Americans struggling to accept that the American dream that is <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/how-american-dream-changed-unraveled-housing-labor-supply-chain-shortage-2021-11">no longer attainable</a>. And Omicron — and its <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/omicron-ba2-study-denmark-unvaccinated-vaccinated-boosted-denmark-household-2022-1">new BA.2 version</a> — has dampened their spirits.</p><h2>Life and work suck</h2><p>Things aren't looking much better at work. An average of 4 million of Americans <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/hustle-culture-got-america-addicted-to-work">have been quitting our jobs</a> every month since April, <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/potential-reasons-explain-labor-shortage-open-jobs-not-enough-workers-2021-12">fed up</a> with burnout, lack of flexibility, low wages, and poor benefits for parents.</p><p>Working is even more difficult when you have a child to raise. The Omicron surge has led to <a href="https://www.insider.com/covid-shut-down-school-two-days-after-classes-started-2022-1">school closures</a>, a shortage of tests, and increased hospitalizations among children. That means parents are back to juggling filing a report for the boss with making their child some lunch. It's even worse for <a href="https://slate.com/technology/2022/01/kids-under-5-vaccine-parents.html">parents of children under the age of 5</a>, who are still ineligible for the vaccine. As parent of two, Melissa Petro <a href="https://www.insider.com/parenting-pandemic-sucks-im-trying-to-focus-on-the-good-2022-1">wrote in an essay for Insider</a>, "Parenting through a pandemic is basically impossible."</p><p>Any attempt to have some semblance of fun in all this pandemic mess has been disrupted. Want to get tested so you can safely see friends and family? You might have a hard time <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/covid-test-omicron-cause-chaos-at-pharmacies-workers-say-2021-12">finding a test at drugstores</a> or a local testing site without a line that <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/new-york-state-covid-19-record-breaking-daily-cases-2021-12">wraps around the block</a>. Many of those who tested negative and made holiday travel plans ended up missing their vacation or getting stuck there instead, thanks to <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/flight-cancellations-omicron-covid-coronavirus-bad-weather-airlines-travel-holiday-2021-12">thousands of canceled flights</a> as Omicron swept through the industry.</p><p>To be sure, there are signs of a turnaround. Omicron cases have <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2022/01/22/us/omicron-cases-us-deaths.html">appeared to peak</a>, spending on goods <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/reviews/out?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wsj.com%2Farticles%2Fconsumers-are-pivoting-spending-to-services-like-dining-and-travel-11643797808%3Fmod%3Dhp_lista_pos1">is easing</a> in favor of services, job openings <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/jolts-job-openings-december-quits-labor-market-shortage-hiring-recovery-2022-2">ticked up in December</a>, and economists predict <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/housing-market-rent-prices-shelter-inflation-outlook-goldman-sachs-forecast-2022-2">rent</a> and <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/mortgage-rates-buy-a-house-affordability-crisis-wages-priced-out-2022-1">housing prices</a> may slow.</p><p>But as long as we're stuck in a version of "Groundhog Day," Americans are going to be feeling <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/americans-define-financial-health-six-figure-income-economy-2022-1">economic anxiety</a>.</p>

You Searched For "ed coambs" and got 2 results

I make $250K a year but still have financial anxiety and debt. A financial therapist is helping me let go of my shame — and set myself up for the future.

Megan DeMatteo

Why you feel so miserable about life and money right now

Hillary Hoffower