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Planning to propose during Taylor Swift's Eras Tour? Think again, relationship experts say.

Mikhaila Friel   

Planning to propose during Taylor Swift's Eras Tour? Think again, relationship experts say.
  • Quite a few people have been proposing at Taylor Swift shows while she sings "Love Story."
  • Proposal videos have been trending on TikTok, with one reaching 9.6 million views.

Taylor Swift's "Love Story" was never meant to be a proposal song, but that's where we are.

Swift once said the 2008 hit was about much rawer love — an "epic teenage tantrum" over a boy her parents disapproved of.

She would likely have not predicted that 16 years later, couples around the world would be getting engaged to the song during her wildly popular Eras Tour.

Videos of the proposals have amassed millions of views on TikTok. One video, posted in April 2023 by Carmen Castillo, had 9.6 million views and 1.3 million likes at the time of writing.

@car_swiftness13 I got my love story moment at my first Taylor Swift concert. I almost died in the process….too many emotions. Her right there, him on one knee❤️ @Taylor Swift @Taylor Nation #tstheerastourtampa #tstheerastour #fyp #tampa #proposals #taylorswift ♬ original sound - Carmen’s Version

The spread of the proposals shows the remarkable extent to which Swift fans see her as an integral part of their life — even if that might push some of them to questionable decisions.

It's the same devotion that has made her a billionaire and the Eras Tour a cultural and economic phenomenon.

Castillo, 27, told Business Insider that her partner Vernon Chamorro proposed at Swift's show in Tampa, Florida, in April 2023.

Castillo, who is from Nicaragua, said she didn't expect it.

She had noticed a handful of Swifties getting engaged at the tour, but it was only a few weeks in, and proposals hadn't become widespread.

"I didn't know it was coming," Castillo said.

"We'd been together for five years at that time, and we were sure we wanted to get married, but I never suspected it during the concert because I was very excited about seeing Taylor for the first time," she said.

A lot of commenters noted how the proposals were proliferating, often timed to the line "He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring."

Though Castillo and Chamorro's engagement story was a success — they plan to marry in December — relationship experts say it's not for everyone.

Reflect on your reasons for getting engaged, experts say

Business Insider spoke to relationship coaches Kate Mansfield and Tammy Nelson, who said couples should make sure their reason for proposing has nothing to do with social media.

Mansfield said an Eras Tour proposal could be "really romantic" but urged couples to ensure their motives were deep.

"Using trends to influence such a life-changing decision is a bad idea," Mansfield said. "The trend will inevitably end, and then you're stuck with a spouse. Make sure it's a good fit."

Nelson, an author and podcast host, said couples should check they're not "just looking for a moment of visibility."

"Make sure you really want to be engaged once the sensation of the moment wears off," she said.

"This could be a once-in-a-lifetime memorable experience, and you want to be sure that it's a positive one and not just a bid for Taylor Swift's attention."

"The trend will inevitably end, and then you're stuck with a spouse. Make sure it's a good fit."
- Kate Mansfield, relationship coach

Castillo said she agreed with the coaches' advice. She said Chamorro had thought about proposing long before the tour was announced, and he bought the ring four months in advance.

So it was more a question of timing than whether to do it.

He ultimately decided to propose at the concert after speaking with her friends, who encouraged him, she said.

She said she had been a fan from a young age, and it made perfect sense for her partner to propose during "Love Story" since "Fearless" is her favorite of Swift's eras.

"It was like two dreams coming true at the same time. My hands were trembling," she said.

Though the trend blew up in 2023, couples have been getting engaged at Swift concerts for years.

A couple of times, Swift has indeed noticed.

One woman, Alyssa Hildebrand, got engaged to her partner at the "Reputation" tour in 2018. Her Instagram video of the proposal was noticed by Swift herself.

"CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Swift commented on the video.

That same year, one man proposed to his partner in front of Swift at a backstage meet-and-greet. She shared photos of the moment on Instagram, writing that the couple had met at one of her shows five years prior.

But Eras has supercharged the trend. In March, Today Online shared a compilation video of four couples who got engaged to "Love Story" during Swift's six Singapore shows.

Though "Love Story" is the more popular choice, some couples have chosen other Swift songs for their engagement.

One couple got engaged to "Champagne Problems" on night three of Swift's Singapore shows. A video with more than 2 million likes on TikTok shows it was actually a double proposal — with both partners presenting rings to each other.

The proposals are just one example of how Swift's fans have propelled trends in her honor — which Forbes dubbed the "Taylor Swift Effect" — from wearing Travis Kelce's jersey to exchanging friendship bracelets inspired by one of her songs.

Make sure your partner would enjoy a public proposal

Another important factor to consider is whether your partner would enjoy a public proposal.

Jaime Bronstein, a relationship therapist, said an Eras Tour proposal is a great idea if Swift's music has played a "significant role in your relationship." However, she added that it's important to check if a public proposal is something your partner would feel comfortable with.

"If your significant other is more private or would prefer a more intimate setting, a public proposal at a concert might cause discomfort or anxiety," she said.

Castillo agreed with Bronstein's comments and suggested thinking of another way to incorporate Swift into the proposal. For instance, she said you could consider proposing before or after the concert.

Mansfield, meanwhile, said you should try to be certain of your partner's answer to avoid a public rejection.

"Receiving a 'no' is bad enough in private, but in public can cause shame and embarrassment. For those with courage, good on you — it's a big move that will never be forgotten," she said.

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