- My father is disabled, and even a small inheritance could jeopardize his benefits and cost him his spot in the nursing home where he lives.
- Despite that, my grandmother wants to leave him with a part of her estate, and it's proving difficult to change her mind.
- Going through this experience has motivated me to be proactive about drafting my will and talking with other family members about their estate planning.
- You can write your will for free online with Fabric. Get your free, legal will today »
Each day, my phone rings again and again. I might get three voicemails, or it might be more than 10, depending on whether my dad is having a good day or a bad one.
He calls to say hi on occasion, but usually it's to ask for something: pizza, mostly, and sometimes cigarettes. Since he doesn't have any money of his own, he relies on me for almost all of his day-to-day wants and needs.
My dad is only 56, but he lives in a nursing home because of mental illness and dementia. It's really, really sad to be in a nursing home when you're that young. The only thing more upsetting is the alternative: being homeless.
I fought tooth and nail to get my dad into the home and to help him qualify for the federal and state disability benefits and insurance programs that pay for his care, after a hospital social worker offered to drop him off at a shelter.
That's why it causes me immense stress that my grandmother's estate planning could undo my hard work, and jeopardize my dad's living situation.
What an inheritance would mean for my dad
"Estate planning" sounds like a problem for the rich; for families who have trust funds and financial advisers. The truth, however, is that everyone needs to have access to smart financial and estate planning.
My family definitely isn't rich, by any stretch. But, like many Americans, my grandmother owns a house, which she plans to leave equally to her children, including my father. In normal circumstances that would be a sweet, generous gesture and a lasting legacy. In our case, however, it could be devastating.
Because the state pays the astronomical costs of my dad's long-term care, he can't have any assets (hence all those calls about pizza). He's allowed to keep just $70 each month from his disability payment. Even a small inheritance could cause him to lose benefits. If that happens, even temporarily, he could be kicked out of his nursing home, and there's no telling whether he could get back in.
The conversations we didn't have
It's entirely possible to do estate planning in ways that benefit and protect disabled heirs. Unfortunately, that didn't happen in my family. We didn't talk at all about estate planning until my grandmother had a serious health scare that left her scrambling to draft a will in the hospital.
I've tried to talk with my grandmother about how her gift could make my father's life worse, not better. But it's a sensitive subject, and we never seem to make any progress. Instead, I'm left bracing for a crisis if she dies before my father.
What I'm doing differently
Wondering what will happen if my dad gets an inheritance is a constant source of low-level stress in my life.
Unfortunately, I've realized there's little I can do to change the situation. I've spoken with professionals about what options my dad and I have, and really I'm just hoping for the best.
However, the situation has made my think about estate planning in a more pressing way than I otherwise would have at just 30 years old. This year, my husband and I drafted wills so that everyone is on the same page about what happens with our assets and our children should we die.
I've also started engaging in candid conversations with other family members about their estate planning and end-of-life plans.
I'm an optimist, so I'm sure things will work out in my dad's situation. However, the reality is that I might face an uphill battle trying to manage the situation and keep him in his housing. I won't make the same mistake with my own estate.
Don't wait to write your will. Protect your family's future today with a free will from Fabric »
- More personal finance coverage
- 4 reasons to open a high-yield savings account while interest rates are down
- It took less than 10 minutes to open a high-yield cash account with Wealthfront and earn more on my savings
- How to buy a house with no money down
- When to save money in high-yield savings
- Best rewards credit cards
- 7 reasons you may need life insurance, even if you think you don't
Disclosure: This post is brought to you by the Personal Finance Insider team. We occasionally highlight financial products and services that can help you make smarter decisions with your money. We do not give investment advice or encourage you to adopt a certain investment strategy. What you decide to do with your money is up to you. If you take action based on one of our recommendations, we get a small share of the revenue from our commerce partners. This does not influence whether we feature a financial product or service. We operate independently from our advertising sales team.