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Having some narcissistic tendencies doesn't make a narcissist.
- Melody Wilding is an executive coach, licensed social worker, and professor of Human Behavior at Hunter College.
- She finds people constantly tell her about their narcissistic coworkers, but most of those people don't truly understand what a "$4" actually is.
- She has some news: $4 is a spectrum, and most people are on it to some degree. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is something entirely separate, and misusing that label is unethical - and dangerous.
Dealing with a difficult boss or coworker can test your patience and be drag on your productivity. But working with a narcissist, on the other hand, can be downright unhealthy. Their selfishness, manipulative tactics, and power hungry ways can be annoying at best and career-ending at worst.
As an executive coach and Human Behavior professor, I hear from readers every day who claim that they work with a narcissist. They $4 about managers and colleagues who make their work-life harder than it should be and frustrate them to no end. They blame the other person's narcissistic tendencies for a lack of progress, not realizing that their own self-absorption might be contributing to the problem.
The truth about narcissism
Psychologically speaking, narcissism is a personality trait that every person possesses to some degree. Like any characteristic, it exists on a spectrum. We all fall somewhere along the narcissism continuum. In fact, a certain amount of self-centeredness is healthy. Research $4 that it contributes to confidence, resilience, and ambition.
However, any personality trait taken to an extreme can become pathological. A person who is excessively high in narcissism is said to have $4 (NPD), which is a diagnosable mental illness.
A person with narcissistic traits may be mildly self-centered at times, but NPD, on the other hand, is a deeply ingrained, pervasive pattern. These people have an extremely fragile sense of self-esteem (masked by an inflated sense of superiority) to the point where it interferes with normal functioning across a wide range of settings beyond work. Studies show that this may be due in part to brain differences. People with NPD often have $4 in areas related to empathy.
Related: $4
Difficult or disordered
In other words, there's a difference between working with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder and working for someone who has higher than normal narcissistic traits.
With $4 and popularity of the topic, I've also noticed an increased interest in self-diagnosing the difficult people in our lives and careers. Although narcissistic personality disorder is very uncommon ($4 or one in every one hundred people), it seems like everyone now claims to have a narcissist in their lives, especially at work where relationships can get the most heated.
Chalking up what you dislike about another person to a mental disorder isn't ethical or fair. You may say things like, "my boss is absolutely crazy" or "she's a raving narcissist" off the cuff and out of anger, but pathologizing people in this way can be very dangerous. Labeling someone with a psychiatric disorder not only further stigmatizes those who do live with mental health diagnoses, but it also trivializes how serious narcissistic personality disorder can be.
Spotting a real narcissist
Before you jump to self-diagnosing your boss or co-worker as a narcissist, it's important to understand what differentiates narcissistic traits from full-blown NPD.
Spotting narcissistic personality disorder in the workplace is crucial because it can be very damaging. For example, because they have trouble taking criticism, research $4 that people with NPD are responsible for more work-related lawsuits. Narcissists are also drawn to power, which helps them $4, but their penchant for unethical behavior, need for admiration, and lack of empathy can kill morale and destroy an organization.
Related: $4
So, how can you tell when narcissistic traits tip over to NPD? According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders to $4 narcissistic personality disorder, the following criteria must be met:
- An excessive need for admiration and gaining approval from others
- A sense of entitlement, seeing one's self as exceptional, and condescending behavior
- An inability to recognize the feelings and needs of other people
- Superficial relationships
- Vast fluctuations in mood
These criteria must be relatively stable across a person's lifetime and many situations, including in their personal relationships outside of the workplace.
People with narcissistic personality disorder also typically show extreme behavior like:
- Overly emotional or unpredictable thinking or behavior
- Distorting facts and making $4
- Enjoyment of getting away with breaking the rules or violating boundaries
- Using psychological manipulation like $4, public shaming, and deflection
- Aggression and antisocial behavior
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Courtesy of Melody Wilding
Melody Wilding.
Melody Wilding is an executive coach, licensed social worker, and professor of Human Behavior at Hunter College. Her clients include high-performing managers and leaders at places like Google, Facebook, and HP. Sign up for your free guide, The 3-Step Workday Reset>$4 at melodywilding.com>$4