- When I started having children my parents were also adoption kids.
- Between my mom and I we have eight kids, three of which are mine.
I still remember how my mom and I tried to corral the kids while eating burgers at the local restaurant years ago. We filled multiple booths, grateful for the removable partition between them so we could keep a good eye on everyone. A woman walked by and said how good the kids were. Then she asked something I'll never forget: "Is this a day care group?"
My mom and I had to laugh. It was just the two of us with eight kids. Our eight kids. Three of them mine and five of them hers, all spanning six years. This wasn't a day care. This was just our big family.
We know it's not traditional
During the years when I was having children, my parents were adopting children. When most grandparents are thinking of retirement and attending sporting events to cheer on their grandkids, mine are still in the thick of parenting, showing up to cheer on their grandkids and their own kids. When I was changing diapers, they were changing diapers.
When I was at back-to-school night, they were at back-to-school night. And as I teach my kids to drive, they are teaching theirs to drive.
Since we bought a house in my hometown, we have been doing all of these things together, not parallel as much as intertwined. Our kids go to the same schools and participate in some of the same activities. Our lives overlap in a way that many people cannot imagine.
The best part is that our kids get to grow up together
When they were little, my kids had aunts and uncles that felt more like cousins or siblings. They built Lego bricks and had movie nights together. They played on the swing set and spent countless hours in the pool. With eight kids in the mix, there was always someone to play with, laugh with, and even argue with. It was as busy (and loud) as you'd expect.
But we worked together. My mom and I spent a lot of time with one another, especially when the kids were younger. We tag-teamed, helped with rides, gave each other breaks, and commiserated when needed. Parenting together made me feel less alone on ordinary days. And it made the fun days all the more fun.
There were challenges along the way
People can't always understand what they aren't used to. In elementary school, my kids stopped explaining how it was possible that these kids, some of whom were younger than them and had different skin color, could be their aunts and uncles. Feeling like you have to explain your family is tiring.
It's not just kids that struggle to understand. I regularly have to explain to adults that these kids are my siblings. People often try to correct me, thinking they might be my siblings' kids, my nieces and nephews. I simply explain again, adding that my parents have adopted five kids about the same age as mine. Most people accept this explanation, even as I watch them try to grasp such a foreign concept mentally.
Living connected with so many kids is not always fun and games. Just like siblings fight, my kids fight with my siblings. And my mom and I don't always have the same way of parenting when that happens. That can be hard when you're so close. Thankfully, we've always worked it out. We've learned to prioritize our own kids while still loving one another.
It may not be typical, but we make it work for us
Even with the challenges, it is still pretty amazing. My kids get a taste of growing up in a big family with lots of siblings, but they also have our home life with the five of us. When they go to school and have a hard day, there are people there who know and love them. When I have a hard day, my mom is in the midst of the same stage of parenting — with a bit more wisdom on her side!
My mom and I get to do this together. It may be unconventional, but it is definitely something special.