Whether you have a coworker who wastes your time venting about how much she dislikes her job, or a friend who always asks to borrow money, some people will take your time, money, and space if you allow them to do so. It's important to set healthy boundaries for yourself.
Say no, speak up, and ask for what you need. When people violate your boundaries, follow through with clear consequences.
Don't blame anyone else for making you feel guilty or making you feel bad about yourself. Take full responsibility for how you feel.
If someone is affecting your emotions in an unhelpful manner, take positive action. Either change the situation, or change how you respond to the situation. Perhaps you decide to walk away and enter a new environment. Or, maybe you decide to take a few deep breaths, practice using some positive self-talk and continue to engage in a difficult conversation.
On another note, don't take on responsibility for other people's emotions. You can't make everyone happy, and you can't make anyone mad.
While it's important to be cognizant of how your actions affect others, it's not up to you to manage how other people feel.
When you find yourself thinking you have to do something, change your language. You don't have to go grocery shopping. And you don't have to take the dog to the vet. These are choices.
Even going to work and paying your bills are choices. Of course, there are consequences if you don't do these things, but acknowledging you have some say in the matter empowers you to take responsibility for your own life.
You'll care less about going along with the crowd, and you'll be less concerned about other people's opinions when you're clear on your values. Identify the things that are most important to you, and live accordingly. Whether that means you value your free time, you work long hours, you enjoy hobbies, or you practice your faith, spend time and energy on the things that are important to you. When you are confident in your priorities, other people's judgments will matter less.
Holding onto a grudge diminishes your life, not anyone else's. Don't waste your precious time and energy rehashing your past hurts and trying to punish someone else.
Recognize, however, that forgiveness isn't about saying what someone did was okay. And it doesn't mean you have to associate with them. Instead, forgiveness can involve letting go of anger that is keeping you stuck so you can focus on more worthwhile things.
You might feel empowered for a little while when you say, "I'll show them!" But trying to prove people wrong actually gives them power over you.
Trying to show someone that you're better than they give you credit for is about them, not you. Work on goals that matter to you. If you surprise people along the way, consider it an added bonus rather than the main objective.
If you need approval or affirmation from others that you're good enough, those individuals will always have power over you. Don't make your self-worth dependent on anyone else.
Do the things that make you feel like a good person (whether it means going to the gym or volunteering to help others), and your self-worth will be built on a much steadier, more independent foundation.
The more time you spend complaining about people, the more space you allow them to occupy in your life. So before you dive into a 20-minute monologue about how much you dislike your boss or how annoying your sister-in-law is, think about the fact that you'll be devoting more time and energy to them. Choose to use your time and energy on more positive, worthwhile activities.
Rehashing conversations and imagining dreadful interactions allows people to take up more of your brain power. While you certainly want to learn from mistakes and plan for the future, don't ruminate on the hurtful things someone already said or the rude comments they might make in the future.
When you notice these unhelpful scripts playing out in your head, change the channel in your brain. Whether this means you need to get some physical activity or it means talking to a friend about a completely different subject, refuse to focus on people who drag you down.
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