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Bartenders share 13 things they'd love to tell customers but can't

'I'm judging you on your drink order.'

'I'm judging you on your drink order.'

"You can tell what type of person someone is by their drink order in specific bars."

"If you're in a bar with tons of other people and it's loud and you order something complicated, you clearly don't value people's time. How you react to the bar being out of your 'usual' is also very indicative of your personality."

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'You're overpaying for super expensive cocktails'

'You're overpaying for super expensive cocktails'

To figure out just how much you're overpaying for your favorite fancy cocktail, check out Quartz's handy cocktail calculator. You could be paying 400% more than the cost of the ingredients to have your drink made.

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'That girl will not go home with you just because you bought her a $9 shot'

'That girl will not go home with you just because you bought her a $9 shot'

"Some people will buy loads of expensive shots when out in groups. They're trying to look flash."

But it often has the opposite effect.

"You look stupid when you order expensive shots."

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'Money talks and bulls--t walks'

'Money talks and bulls--t walks'

"Time is money and your bar stool is real estate.

"Don't ask me to hold your seat. Did you ask with a $10 bill? If not, then the answer is 'no.'

"And do not get annoyed when people order over you if you are sitting on a bar stool. Again, you're on very expensive real estate. The bar is a place for transactions, not private dining."

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'Put your laptop away — you’re not fooling anyone'

'Put your laptop away — you’re not fooling anyone'

"Stop trying to 'work' at a bar. You’re a functional alcoholic. Cram your drinking in now and your work in tomorrow."

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'Stop hitting on your bartender'

'Stop hitting on your bartender'

"The bartender does not want to date you."

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'I see you and I will get to you the second I can'

'I see you and I will get to you the second I can'

"I know you have been waiting for a while. If I haven't taken your order, it is for a good reason. Wait just like everyone else! Everyone wants their drinks asap."

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'I'd love to tell people just how disgusting they are when they're eating'

'I'd love to tell people just how disgusting they are when they're eating'

"I hate seeing your chewed up food all over your face while you're dripping ranch all over the bar top. How messy could you possibly be?"

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'Order everything at once'

'Order everything at once'

"Don't have me make a margarita, then order your buddy a beer only to realize his girl wanted a margarita, too."

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'I'm a person — please treat me like one'

'I'm a person — please treat me like one'

"I am not a servant. I am not a potential date. Please don't take advantage of the fact that I have to treat you in a professional manner. This is my place of employment, not your house. You are the guest here. Please behave like one."

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Proceed ordering mixed drinks with caution

Proceed ordering mixed drinks with caution

"Almost no restaurants or bars clean their ice machines as regularly as they're supposed to. "

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'Use cash to pay for a single drink'

'Use cash to pay for a single drink'

"Running credit cards is more time consuming than a cash transaction, and the tiny tip from one drink is not worth my extra time."

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'Please don't order vodka'

'Please don't order vodka'

"You're nice when you stick with beer, but a demon on spirits."

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