My husband, partner, and I are polyamorous and live with our 2 kids. Holiday scheduling with all our families can be hectic, but we make it work.
- I live with my husband, our two kids, and my partner Ty in a big house full of love.
- I've become a master at using Google Calendar to schedule all of our activities.
I'm polyamorous, and I live with my two partners, Daniel and Ty, and our two kids, D and H. When it comes to the holidays, we try to take a fair and equitable position and see as many relatives as possible. It takes some finesse and a lot of scheduling, but we do it.
With two partners, you have two sets of in-laws, which means instead of juggling two places to go for holidays, we have to consider three places — or more, depending on how those relatives are dispersed. I rely heavily on Google Calendar and I luckily enjoy planning. We try to ensure that our holidays go as smoothly as possible, especially for our children. But we have limited space, limited time, and limited income. So how do we do it?
Our holiday schedule
Most of Ty's family lives nearby where we live, Richmond, Virginia, so we see them more regularly than Daniel and I see our own family members, who all live in Tennessee. As we are all Christian — or Christian-adjacent — we celebrate Christian holidays, alongside the typical American holidays on which we have days off.
Traditionally, we invite Daniel's family up for Thanksgiving — they are less picky than my family, and I enjoy making a large amount of food for everyone. Since this is a present-free holiday, and they typically choose to stay in a hotel when they visit, our lives stay busy during this time but mostly stress-free.
Then, on Thanksgiving weekend, we visit with Ty's family and try to plan something special with them, like going to a movie and then out to dinner.
For Christmas, we always visit my family in Nashville, especially since my niece's birthday is on Christmas Day. That means if I'm staying with my parents, I can sleep only with Daniel, my legal spouse. Even though my parents are conservative, they accept and approve of Ty — as he is part of my family, his presence is nonnegotiable.
But they still aren't the most comfortable at the thought of us sharing a bed in their house. My parents have only so many rooms, and it's their house, after all. Daniel and Ty don't date each other or sleep in the same beds together, and I typically take turns sleeping with them when we're at home.
Last year, Ty slept at my sister's house during the holidays, as she also lives in Nashville. He missed being close to the rest of us, so this year, he plans to crash on a couch at my parents' house. If Ty and I want to spend any time alone, however, we'll have to get a hotel, which we did for two nights last year. If we could afford it, I think, we'd prefer to all stay at a hotel or an Airbnb close to my parents' house.
We always head back home to Richmond in time to visit Ty's family on New Year's Day. As for celebrations later in the year, my parents typically come to visit us at Easter, and my in-laws often drive up for the kids' birthdays.
I always say, 'You get what you give' — and it's true
It's true that the more partners you have, the more holiday dinners there are to attend and the more presents there are to buy. But you get what you give — plus, we have three incomes, so we always manage to scrape together enough to make sure everyone feels loved on birthdays and holidays. I try to keep gifts equal between Ty and Daniel — just like I do for D and H.
Family is hugely important to me, and one of the treasures of polyamory is that I have a lot more of it. Yes, it's a lot more work and, yes, sometimes the more conservative relatives feel awkward around us initially — but I think it's important that we show up and normalize polyamory.
Our families, thankfully, still love us a lot, so when the five of us decide to come together as a family unit and just be our authentic selves in front of our relatives, everyone is more comfortable around us.
The holidays are always eventful, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
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