I've been undiagnosed for 8 months as I experience extreme fatigue and periods of paralysis. It's affecting my parenting the most.

• My life has changed completely in the past eight months, and I have no answers.
• I went from being able to hold my daughter all the time to not being able to pick her up.

I wasn't strong enough today to lift my daughter onto my lap.

She's 2 years old and just wanted to sit on my lap to play. She put her arms up like she had hundreds of times before. I leaned over, placed my hands under her shoulders, and lifted, but she didn't leave the floor. I felt like a failure as a mother.

For the first 18 months of her life, I held her without a thought or care. Now I had to turn to my husband and ask him to put her in my lap.

I wish I could tell you what's wrong with me. I've seen many doctors, done tests, and even had 20 vials of blood drawn in one sitting, just for the results to all be normal. My whole life has changed. I can no longer do my job and have been pursuing other things that I can accomplish with the unpredictable nature of my health. I suffer from extreme exhaustion and sometimes paralysis.

My doctors and I are operating off of the assumption I have either Periodic Paralysis or Chronic Fatigue Symptom while I'm able to get an official diagnosis since that's what my symptoms seem to match diagnostically.

Parenting is where I feel like I'm falling short the most.

Life just looks different

Before, I was never a Pinterest-perfect mom. But I was the mom to get on the floor, chase them, and carry them to bed. We went on walks and to playgrounds. We would sing songs with all the hand gestures as much as my patience could handle.

Now I'm what I'm lovingly starting to call a "lying mom." I parent from a reclined position as much as possible. We still do songs with hand gestures, but they typically can go on for only one or two rounds.

Before, morning duties were my responsibility in the household. This meant getting everyone up, dressed, fed, and ready to go out the door for the day. Mornings traditionally were my best time of day, so getting everyone up and dressed wasn't a challenge.

Now morning duties — and most other duties — have moved to my husband. Many mornings, I can't get up to help get them going. I do what I can to shout goodbye from bed.

Before, my husband and I intended to be a family of five. I hated pregnancy but loved having that new baby. Even though I threw up every day with my daughter in the delivery room with her in my arms, the doctors still stitching me up, I looked at my husband and said, "Yeah, I'll do this again if you'd like." We planned a trip for a few months out and decided we would start trying for that third baby once we returned.

Now another child seems irresponsible. I don't know whether my body would be able to handle it.

I am working to show up for my kids every day

We have no resolution and probably won't be getting a simple one with a diagnosis at this point.

I am trying to show up for my kids every day. My 4-year-old son and I do "cuddle chats" most days when we sing a little theme song, lie together, and talk about our days. I know he is learning empathy because of how he asks me how I'm feeling.

My daughter is more of a challenge because of her age. The good news is that she has figured out how to climb on most surfaces, like the couch and bed. She brings a book or toy, and we often just sit and chat.

I'm thankful that my presence seems to be all she needs.