16 major differences between successful and unsuccessful people

"Embracing change is one of the hardest things a person can do," Kerpen says in his 2014 LinkedIn post.

With the world moving fast and technology accelerating at a rapid speed, it's imperative that we embrace these changes and adapt, rather than fear, deny, or hide from them, he says. Successful people are able to do just that.

Truly successful leaders and business people experience ups and downs in their lives and careers, but they always accept responsibility for their failures.

He says blaming others solves nothing: "It just puts other people down and absolutely no good comes from it."

Letting people have their moments to shine motivates them to work harder and, consequently, makes you look better as a leader or teammate.

"When you're in an organization with a group of people, in order to be successful, you all have to be successful," Kerpen says.

That's why the most successful people don't wish for their demise — they want to see their coworkers succeed and grow.

Kerpen told Business Insider that the best question you can ask when you first meet an influential person isn't "How can you help me?" but "How can I help you?"

Of course, you should be willing and able to help the person if they take you up on your offer.

But regardless of whether they accept or decline, he says simply offering your assistance makes people feel warmer toward you, and makes them more inclined to help you when you need it.

"Rejection and failure are two of the most paralyzing fears," he says, and they often prevent people from asking for what they really want.

"If we don't ask for what we want we think on some level that we can't fail; we can't get rejected," Kerpen says. "But in reality we're almost guaranteed that we're going to fail because we're not going to get what we want."

In "The Art of People," he gives the example of a salesperson who was failing to win any customers, simply because she wasn't asking directly for their business at the end of her pitch. Once she started being more forthright, her sales increased.

If you want to be successful, your mantra should be something like "Embrace the fear of no; then ask for the yes."

"The first step in learning how to better influence others to get what you want in your career and in life, is to understand yourself," Kerpen writes in the book.

Specifically, he says you should understand your unconscious motivations, what shifts your mood, and how you best interact with others.

If you're looking to learn more about yourself, Kerpen recommends the Enneagram assessment, cowritten by Mario Sikora. The assessment divides people into nine categories, including those who strive to be connected and those who strive to be detached.

You can find the Enneagram in Sikora's book, "Awareness to Action," or in "The Art of People."

Kerpen says that the single most important and underrated skill in business, social media, and life in general is listening.

It's hard to do, he said, because when we get excited about our ideas, all we want to do is talk about them. But the less we talk, the easier it is to persuade other people to like those ideas — and to like us.

Kerpen writes: "Listening and letting people talk is key to winning them over in life, in business, and in all human relationships."

Kerpen writes in the book that a positive attitude is contagious, especially when it comes from a leader.

At a conference he attended more than a decade ago, one of the speakers recommended that people answer "Fantastic!" instead of something lukewarm like "fine" when someone asks, "How are you?"

Kerpen writes that the speaker "claimed that by using this word, you'll attract whoever you're talking to and make that person want to be around you, because no matter how anyone else is feeling, fantastic is probably better, and who wouldn't want to feel fantastic?"

"A compliment gives a natural boost of energy to someone, and is an act of kindness that makes you feel better as well," Kerpen wrote on LinkedIn.

"Criticizing produces negativity and leads to nothing good," he added.

But beware sneaky sentences that sound like compliments but really put you down — things like "you look good for your age" or "you're not like other men/women."

No one succeeds by themself, Kerpen writes. Often, other people helped you along the way.

That's why it's important to thank those who helped you reach your goals.

"Thank everyone you come in contact with and walk with a spirit of gratitude and appreciation and even wonder, about the world around you," he adds. "Gratitude is the ultimate key to being successful in business and in life."

"Everybody makes mistakes; it's human," Kerpen writes. "The only way to get past the mistake is to forgive and move on. Dwelling on anger only makes things worse — for you."

If someone wronged you, psychologists recommend not trying to rush the forgiveness process. Instead, take time to work through your emotions and put yourself in the other person's shoes.