A couple who live on a 40-foot sailboat share 5 ways to make a relationship work in a tiny living space on the sea

Ryan Ellison and Sophie Darsy are a couple who first decided to quit life on land to pursue one on the sea in 2015. At the time, the couple were living in Copenhagen, Sweden, and had been dating for three months, they said.

According to the couple, who met after matching on Tinder, they hadn't lived together before they bought a $95,000 40-foot sailboat they renamed the Polar Seal. Since June 2018, they've been living on it full-time.

Four years later, they told Insider living with a partner in a small space on the ocean comes with certain challenges but that they've learned a thing or two about how to make it work.

Ellison, 40, said a lot of people who go into boat life with a partner forget to make sure their relationship is in a solid place before they take the leap.

Besides figuring out the type of boat they want and their finances, he said relationships are generally overlooked. "That's a piece that a lot of people forget," he said.

What he said helped him and Darsy be mindful of this factor is that they had a couples therapist prior to setting sail full-time, who they continued to see afterward. The therapist, he said, has learned more about the unique challenges they face aboard and has been able to advise them through it all.

"This is a small space," he said. "We had to start seeing her more."

Sailing with just one person on a small boat is fairly isolating, and it means there can be a lot of expectations put on the other person since no one else is around, Darsy said.

"Even though we have friends all around the world and we meet new people everywhere we go, our true support system, our parents, our families, our best friends, they're not with us," she said. In that sense, she said, "you become everything for your partner."

"Ryan is my romantic partner but he's also my best friend, and my confidant, my therapist, my nurse, and my colleague. And you have to fill all the roles for each other and it doesn't always work to jump from one role to the other at a moment," she added.

In order to deal with this challenge, Darsy said it's best to be realistic about who your partner is and what they can deliver in any given moment.

"You really need to make sure you have an outlet to work, to keep yourself mentally and your relationship going," Ellison said.

For example, Darsy said cooking has become her escape. "Cooking is a big pastime on the boat," she said. "So I bake, I'll make banana bread, all kind of breads, all kind of foods. I make eggs Benedict from scratch. Food can get extravagant because I have nothing else to do."

She said they're pretty lucky with their galley, maritime slang for a kitchen, because it has a fridge and a freezer. They also have a working pasta machine on board, which she plans to use to make fresh pasta on the ocean in the future.

"We've learned that we need to take time apart, that you need to make time for yourself," Darsy said, adding that she's found it to be incredibly important for personal growth.

Last year, Ellison said, they took nearly two months apart. Darsy, who is French, went to Paris while he went to the US.

"Sophie and I are literally together, 24 hours a day, most times," he said, which is why they need breaks on land to catch up on the alone time they would've had if they lived in a regular-sized apartment. "We're just banking all those hours," Ellison added.

Going with the flow when it comes to a relationship on a small sailboat is just not an option, Darsy said. "You need to be very intentional with how you grow as a partner. You need to put a lot of intention into your relationship," she said.

What she means by that is putting in the effort, she said. An example the couple said came to mind was Christmas 2019, which they spent in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Even though it was just the two of them, they put up a paper Christmas tree, hung ornaments, and fairy lights to get in the festive mood.

But Ellison said he's not always good at being "thoughtful" the way Darsy is. "She's much better at that than I am, but I'm just a kind of go-with-it person, and that's created some issues," he said.

In the age of social media, Darsy said, it can be so easy to look at people in relationships online and think, "Oh my god, they look so nice together," which can make you feel insecure.

And while their life on the sea may at times seem glamorous and romantic, both she and Ellison said they're like most couples who still navigate how to be the best partners to each other.

"We're still trying to figure it out and we have our hard days," Ellison said.

"We're not perfect," Darsy added. "Sometimes it's not always pretty." So really, they said, there are no secrets to ensuring a relationship in a tiny living space is always smooth sailing — it just takes work.