These Swedish Fish Oreos are proof that nothing matters and everything's terrible
I wasn't in the mood to go down an existential rabbit hole today, dear reader, but Nabisco and its Swedish Fish Oreos had another idea.
The unholy melding of America's favorite cookie and a gelatinous Nordic fish gummy was spotted by the blog the Impulse Buy, and I'm angry at them for bringing it to my attention, but even angrier at Nabisco for making this monstrosity in the first place.
The blog reportedly found the Swedish Fish Oreos in the isle of a Krogers grocery store. The package claims that the cookie variety is a "limited edition," which is perhaps the only small bit of solace that can be taken from this whole tragedy.
Oreo has already released several terrible flavor variations, including watermelon, root beer float, and limeade, but Swedish Fish Oreos might just be the most offensive one yet.
"The creme's taste, though, is just like Swedish Fish. It has potent, puckering pops of candied cherry and a slightly off-putting finish of waxy gelatin," the brave taste-tester at the Impulse Buy wrote.
"I can't say if it's more pleasant, though. Eating the cookie and creme together, I can really only taste the overpowering cherry creme," the reviewer went on. "There's a processed chocolate aftertaste, but even then, it has to battle for supremacy with the cherry cough syrup layer that the creme plastered on the back of my throat."
Perhaps this is all some sort of sick joke, but what monster would do a thing like this? Other than the monsters at Nabisco, of course.
It's probably worth mentioning that I'm not exactly an unbiased cookie fan here. I strongly believe that Double Stuf Oreos are actually bad, and that only normal Oreos, with their perfect creme-to-cookie ratio, are worth consuming.
Please don't @ me.