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There's no food item more perfect than hot, crispy, salty, starchy fries.
They're the perfect palate cleanser for a greasy burger meal, a low-commitment fling between bites of ground beef or fried chicken.
However, fries are as ephemeral as they are perfect. I wouldn't wish a cold, limp, soggy fry upon my worst enemy. Of all its fast-food brethren, the fry lives fastest and dies the hardest.
That's why we've pitted fries from eight fast-food chains - Arby's, Dairy Queen, Five Guys, Wendy's, Chick-fil-A, Shake Shack, McDonald's, and Burger King - against each other in a taste-test battle royale.
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The rules are simple: One standard order of medium fries from each restaurant. No condiments. Fries are tasted onsite at restaurants for consistency.
The judging criteria is based on a one-to-five scale in four categories:
Crisp: Is the fry encased in a golden shell of poreless crisp, or is it limp and lifeless?
Flavor: A fry should taste like good potato, good oil, and good salt. Fishy flavors? Cardboard? No.
Despite continual controversy over the company's charity choices, Chick-fil-A fries have their loyal fans.
These waffle-shaped taters deliver the crisp you'd expect from a fried potato slice with their surface area. However, they seem to be part of the "salt is for squares" gang. And these desperately need salt to compensate for their dry and oily, cardboard-like flavor. With an overall mouthfeel that's sometimes stiff and sometimes soggy, these don't put up much of a fight.
Dairy Queen's challenger is almost as pale as its soft-serve ice cream.
Appearances aren't deceiving. These are mostly soft and slightly undercooked. The flavor isn't bad, but the undercooked potato tastes fishy — not the best taste on a fry. They're a little gritty and mushy, with some bounce to each bite, and also a little too salty.
With a taste somewhere between a McDonald's fry and a Five Guys fry, the Wendy's champion has steadfast allies.
Sometimes crispy, sometimes not, these fries taste kind of like earthy, real potatoes, but they definitely have some metallic, processed undertones. They're kind of pungent, a little dry, with a texture like mashed potatoes. However, they're criminally undersalted.
Five Guys saunters into the ring with a colossal challenger. With a reputation for real potatoes freshly cut and fried, Five Guys poses a substantial threat to the competition.
Despite their quantity and freshness, these fries are just less satisfying. Only sort of crispy and sort of salty, Five Guys relies too heavily on the "real potato" appeal of their fry, at the expense of flavor. They have a wholesome, hearty mouthfeel, but are ultimately somewhat sweet and not very flavorful.
McDonald's fries have always ruled over their own separate kingdom, at least in spirit.
McDonald's fries are McDonald's fries. They're pretty dang crispy, with a time-tested texture and mouthfeel that blends a chewable crunch with a soft and smooth core. Their taste is distinctive to Mickey D: processed, oily, savory, and satisfying with a hint of metallic. And although they're well-salted on the outside, they're bland inside, sometimes mushy and sometimes dry.
Burger King is beloved by its subjects not for its fries, but for its outrageous style.
Savory, oily, and rich, BK's frites were the only contestant with zero metallic undertones. They're crispy on the outside and juicy on the inside, although their core is a little gritty and a tad bit too soft. These have just the perfect amount of salt to hit the "YUM!" factor.
Arby's enters the arena with the most eye-catching contestant. With curves for miles and a fiery personality, Arby's fries immediately call to mind a hot summer day at a state fair.
Perfectly crispy with a deep, well-rounded flavor and an ideal amount of salt, Arby's curly fries hit the spot. The spiciest and most spiced fry on this list, Arby's stands out with its onion, paprika, and pepper seasoning and a great sticky, starchy, mouthfeel that blends perfectly with an outer layer of crisp. Overall, a highly satisfying and addicting fry.
Crinkle-cut fry skeptics are many and their voices loud, but Shake Shack's crinkle-cut fries don't care. They simply plug their ears and refuse to listen.
It's definitely plausible that Shake Shack had extraterrestrial help to perfect its fries. Each fry is coated in a layer of golden crisp that gives way to a soft, welcoming interior. They hit savory and umami with a hint of sweetness and they taste like potatoes, oil, and just the right amount of salt. There is a slight metallic aftertaste, but the first bite is so overwhelmingly delicious that this flaw is easily forgiven.
In this french-fry battle royale, Shake Shack was by far the winner. With a thick layer of crisp and a succulent flavor, Shake Shack's crinkle-cut underdog is miles ahead of its competition.
However, Shake Shack is not without worthy challengers. Arby's and Burger King stand out in particular, while Five Guys definitely corners the real-potato fry market. And taste is subjective and subject to change. A hot fry is a hot fry, and that's a sentiment that can unite a fast-food nation.
