Stephen Colbert gets a schoolyard bully to explain Donald Trump's 'juvenile' nicknames
"These nicknames have destroyed all of Trump's opponents," the host said on Wednesday's "The Late Show."
He points out the following examples: "'Low Energy Jeb,' gone. 'Little Marco,' vaya con dios. 'Lyin' Ted,' see you, wouldn't want to be you. Seriously, would not want to be you."
In order to learn the strategy behind the "effective" nicknames, Colbert had on Trump's "chief nickname strategist" - in reality, a young schoolyard bully named Timmy Jenkins. What are Jenkins' qualifications?
"I've had over five years of playground experience making nerds cry, and that's really fun," the boy explained. "Also, I once made Andy Sansun change schools."
As to why Trump's nicknames work so well, Jenkins said they're definitely not random. In fact, they're a product of extensive focus group testing.
"We don't pull this out of our hat," he said. "You know, our first choice wasn't 'Little Marco.' First, we started with 'Sweaty Marco,' and then we went to 'Diarrubio.' It's true, then we tried 'Marco Boobio.' And off the charts for a little bit, we actually called in 'Marco Pubio.'"
He also said the campaign had several nicknames prepared for others, such as "Jeb Tush," "Ted Poos," and "A-- Kisstie." The last one was for New Jersey governor Chris Christie, who actually endorsed Trump. Asked whether Christie knew of his nickname, Jenkins answered, "He does now."
But Colbert was asking for it when he wondered if these "juvenile" nicknames are good for our democracy.
"That's an interesting question, Stephen Col-butt," Jenkins said. "I can smell you from over here, the host of 'The Lame Show with Steaming Colfart.'"
Things just got out of control from there when Jenkins grabbed Colbert's hand and made him hit himself in the face.
"I hate politics," Colbert yelled.
Watch the whole sketch below: