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A broken heart can put us in defense mode.
- Breakups can be devastating - and can even have physical effects.
- But after enough time has passed, that heartbreak can be put to good use.
- Think about what you learned during the relationship, what you could have done better, and how you changed for the better.
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It might be impossible to think that someone who has broken your heart has helped you in your journey - but in their own way, they have.
There is a reason some of the most beautiful songs and pieces of poetry are written in times of heartbreak, and why so many people write their most inner thoughts while dealing with the loss of a relationship. Heartbreak is life altering. Breakups open your soul, split you in two, and leave you in a state of overwhelming nothingness. Voluminous vacancy. Deafening silence.
Breakups are physically and emotionally devastating because love is all-consuming. It can't not be - it's love. Breakups mark the end of an era. They signify that the life you once knew is no more. And it's agonizing. When it happens, you feel like there is nothing else to live for - at least, that's how I've felt when I've had my heart broken.
Heartbreak is not just a state of mind. When coping with a breakup, people may experience physical symptoms like a change in appetite, headaches, body pains, and an overall sense of unwell, Jennifer Kelman, licensed clinical social worker, told Healthline.
So how are the physical side effects of a broken heart possible? A 2011 study conducted by neuroscientist Edward Smith (and colleagues) at Columbia University explains the heartbreak phenomenon. By using fMRI scans of participants who had ended a relationship within the last six months, results demonstrated that physical pain and the end of romantic relationships are related when it comes to how the brain perceives them. When participants were shown a picture of their former partner, scans of the brain showed activity in the same area that lights up when we are in physical pain.
Knowing this, it makes perfect sense that a broken heart can put us in defense mode. The brain is, after all, telling us that the pain we feel after a breakup is not just in our heads. It is absolutely warranted, which proves the point even more that we must be gracious and patient with ourselves when trying to cope with the end of a romantic relationship.
While in the deepest and lowest points of heartbreak, I've tried to read motivational quotes and inspirational stories about "moving on after a breakup," and I haven't been able to see the silver lining - not while the wound is still fresh.
In 1850, Alfred Lord Tennyson wrote, "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." It's a popular piece of poetry for a reason, and it raises the question among the heartbroken: Is it really better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?