6 habits that are secretly sabotaging your relationship, according to relationship therapists

Advertisement
6 habits that are secretly sabotaging your relationship, according to relationship therapists

Queer couple

valentinrussanov / Getty Images

In every relationship, each partner has at least one habit that ticks the other off.

Advertisement

Once you're in a relationship, getting into the flow of things may cause you to overlook some of your own behaviors, including how you treat your partner.

If not realized or addressed, it's possible some of your actions or words could alienate your partner or cause them to resent you.

Spending all of your free time with your significant other, for example, could indicate you're codependent and smothering them, and being on your phone constantly could mean you're not giving your relationship the attention it needs to thrive.

Here are some signs you may not be as good of a partner as you think you are, and how your actions could affect your relationship.

You can't help but nitpick your partner's every move

couple moving into new home

South_agency/Getty Images

Masking your criticisms as "jokes" suggests you resent your partner.

In every relationship, each partner has at least one habit that ticks the other off. Although it's normal to not see everything eye to eye, if you find yourself constantly annoyed about what your partner says or does - and feel the need to tell them so - it could mean you're accidentally sabotaging your relationship.

"Controlling people usually have issues with trust, and so they want to control whoever is in their lives as a way to protect themselves, but they actually set themselves up for people to betray or leave them because the pressures of being with them are too demanding or demeaning," Sherrie Campbell, a psychologist and marriage and family therapist, previously told Insider.

Masking your criticisms as "jokes" can also be a sign that you're resentful, not helpful, Lisa Marie Bobby, a psychologist and marriage and family therapist, previously told Insider.

You hide how you feel when you're upset with your partner

While constantly critiquing inconsequential issues like cucumber-slicing technique is problematic, so too is keeping mum about things that really matter, like your emotions when your partner says or does something that upsets you.

Bottling up your emotions likely means the problem will happen again, creating pent-up negative feelings and even resentment. Even if you think your partner knows you well enough to pick up on how you're feeling, it's not their job to play psychic medium, relationship coach David Bennett of Double Trust Dating previously told Insider.

"In strong relationships, partners are honest and assertive about expressing their needs," Bennett said.

Read more: How to prevent wedding-planning stress from ruining the big day, according to a therapist devoted to anxious brides

The next time you don't feel quite right about something in your relationship, speak up about it rather than waiting for your partner to come to you.

You spend every waking moment with your partner

couple

Flickr / zenjazzygeek

Spending every minute together could be a sign you're too codependent.

On a surface level, being attached to your partner at the hip makes it seem like you love each other so much you can't stand to be apart. In reality, however, spending every possible moment together could be a sign you're codependent.

"Codependency is excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner," clinical psychologist Jennifer Rhodes previously told Insider.

Although codependency is good to an extent because it fosters trust and an intimate bond in your relationship, doing nearly everything together could ultimately lead to relationship problems because you might overwhelm your partner and lower your own self-esteem.

You have the last word all of the time

If every time you and your partner get into an argument, you find yourself trying to "win" or have things your way, it could mean you're viewing the relationship completely wrong.

According to Matt Lundquist, founder of Tribeca Therapy, a person's need to be right all of the time stems from inner fear of rejection or insecurity. "Recognize it comes from within you; otherwise it can destroy your relationship because it makes you mad at the other person," Lundquist said.

Read more: How to know if someone is a serial cheater or if they've actually made a mistake, according to a therapist

The next time you catch yourself trying to come out on top of a disagreement with your partner, consider why that is and try to compromise instead.

When your partner is having a bad day, you tell them to get over it

If, on your partner's not-so-great days, you tell them to cheer up and get over it, you could be hurting your relationship in the long run.

Your intentions may be to help them move on and be happy again, but being unwilling to console your partner when they're going through a rough patch suggests you're not really available for their needs and want them to bounce back and be ready for your needs instead.

"It's quite likely that your partner just needs to rant for three minutes and get something off his chest," Jennifer Petriglieri, an assistant professor of organizational behavior at INSEAD, told Harvard Business Review. After they do that, ask, "How are things going? Are you where you want to be? Are you satisfied?"

You can't part ways with your cell phone

woman cell phone

Michael Dodge/Stringer/Getty Images

Your phone addiction could be ruining your relationship.

It's impossible to completely escape smartphones these days, but there are times when taking a social media break is vital. One of those times is when you're on a date with your partner.

A July 2014 study in the journal Environment and Behavior found that couples who had conversations in the absence of their cell phones reported those talks being "significantly superior" compared to conversations they had when their phones were present. The findings held true regardless of the individuals' ages, genders, ethnicities, and the moods they were in during the experiment.

So whether you're simply watching a movie together or out at a restaurant, being physically together isn't enough to sustain a strong relationship. Giving your Twitter feed more attention than your partner is major no-no, regardless of how long you've been together.

{{}}