A couple filed for divorce 2 weeks before quarantining together in a New York City apartment — here's what it's been like

• A couple discussed the difficulty of going through a divorce while living in the same apartment during quarantine on renowned therapist Esther Perel's podcast, "Where Should We Begin?"
• The two were married for 25 years, have three children under 11, and decided to file for divorce two weeks before New York City — where the couple is based — went into full lockdown in mid-March.
• Now quarantining together, the two are having to rehash problems in their marriage, including sexual intimacy and emotional turmoil.
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After years of struggling in their relationship, therapy, and even a brief stint with non-monogamy, a New York City-based couple decided to divorce after 25 years of marriage.

But the coronavirus pandemic has pressed pause on the couple's decision. Two weeks after filing for divorce in early March, New York City went into full lockdown.

Now, the two are quarantining in the same apartment with their three young children and trying to keep the peace as they rehash nearly three decades of heartbreak, emotional turmoil, and infidelity.

"I'm just trying to keep my head on my neck," the woman told renowned therapist Esther Perel.

The couple discussed the difficulty of going through a divorce during quarantine on Perel's weekly podcast, "Where Should We Begin?"

Problems with sexual intimacy were a large factor in their divorce

The two met right after college, "just vibing" in all the right ways. But after a few years, things began to sour and the vibe seemed to shift.

The woman told Perel that because of childhood sexual trauma, sexual intimacy has been a struggle throughout her adult life. Her husband told Perel that while the two worked on their sex life, his wife's apprehension with sexual intimacy felt like rejection.

"My wife has told me that we have no chemistry sexually, that she enjoys being with her other lovers more than me, that she's not comfortable having sex with me, but those things were deeply painful," he told Perel.

Problems with their sexual intimacy lead to him cheating. While they made amends and stayed married for another decade, the wounds from the infidelity never quite healed.

In February, the two decided to open their marriage as a last-ditch effort, but that also failed as she grappled with jealousy and feelings of inadequacy.

The two finally decided to file for divorce in early March — but then the coronavirus hit the US.

Quarantine has amplified the couple's problems

Not wanting to separate their children, the two made the decision to quarantine in the same apartment but live in separate rooms. While they keep the peace in front of the children, things are far tenser behind the scene.

She said her husband's "business-like" tone feels robotic and unemotional when the two interact one on one, which leads to increased levels of anxiety and restlessness. Her husband said this is a coping mechanism.

"She's been physically abusive," he said. "She rages, and for self-survival, I am leveraging my way I can look at things logically because I don't feel safe emotionally in this relationship."

The two argued about what constitutes physical abuse. While the woman admitted she had a tendency to "rage" when she and her husband got into arguments, she said her episodes hardly qualify as physical abuse.

"I'm safe enough to leave the children with, I'm safe enough for everything," she said.

The man is trying to juggle his relationship with his girlfriend with the needs of his family

The two had been separated for a month before quarantine, and the man has a girlfriend that he started seeing before lockdown. His wife expressed frustration to Perel that he's been pushing to see his girlfriend despite the quarantine.

"I had to get everyone to explain to him why seeing his girlfriend during COVID was not appropriate," she said.

Like many parents struggling during the pandemic, she is having to juggle many of the day-to-day household responsibilities, like grocery shopping, while also playing teacher to her three children — all of whom are under 11 years of age.

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