There are 21 rules for surviving your Wall Street holiday party
foursquare, Detavio S.
Office parties are usually a mixed back of unpredictability: tedious, festive, boring, scandalous, embarrassing, or even sometimes fun. Where else can you drink free booze and watch people ruin their careers or reputations in a single night?
In the interests of helping you navigate this night of eye-rolls and eggnog, here are a few tips on how to get through your holiday party this year:
- Don't skip it
- Pre-game with comfort food. It might be a long night and you don't want to be the first one looking inebriated
- Show up on time. Most seniors do. Hang out with them for the first half hour, and then keep your distance. No one likes a kiss ass
- Don't check your work emails. No one is impressed
- Don't act too excited about the open bar
- Men: Wear what your wore to the office. The guy who shows up in skinny jeans clearly has too much free time
- Women: Change into something elegant. And I'm sorry that you live in a sexist corporate world
- Don't talk shop
- If your boss's boss doesn't already know your name, don't waste your time talking to them
- Spread rumors about people you don't like: "Danny's made three trips to the bathroom stall in the last hour. That's weird, right?"
- Don't flirt or dance with junior staff at the main event. Wait until the after party
- If it comes up in conversation, of course Die Hard isn't the greatest Christmas movie ever. Bad Santa is
- Get your adversaries as drunk as possible
- Hold your wine glass by the stem. And in your left hand
- Get the assistants drunk and gossiping. Dodgy expenses. Interoffice affairs. Bonus numbers. Headcount discussions. They know it all
- No social media. If you're posting to Instagram or Snapchat, people won't trust you
- Thank the person who organized the party logistics
- Put your card behind the bar at the after party. It makes you the designated leader
- Make sure your iPhone alarm clock is already set for the morning
- Always be first into the office the next day
- If you actually need a list of holiday party guidelines, go ahead and get wild and crazy. You're probably going to get fired soon anyway
John LeFevre is the creator of @GSElevator on Twitter, and the author of the New York Times bestselling book, Straight To Hell: True Tales of Deviance, Debauchery, And Billion-Dollar Deals
- A centenarian who starts her day with gentle exercise and loves walks shares 5 longevity tips, including staying single
- A couple accidentally shipped their cat in an Amazon return package. It arrived safely 6 days later, hundreds of miles away.
- FSSAI in process of collecting pan-India samples of Nestle's Cerelac baby cereals: CEO
- India's e-commerce market set to skyrocket as the country's digital economy surges to USD 1 Trillion by 2030
- Top 5 places to visit near Rishikesh
- Indian economy remains in bright spot: Ministry of Finance
- A surprise visit: Tesla CEO Elon Musk heads to China after deferring India visit
- Unemployment among Indian youth is high, but it is transient: RBI MPC member
- JNK India IPO allotment date
- JioCinema New Plans
- Realme Narzo 70 Launched
- Apple Let Loose event
- Elon Musk Apology
- RIL cash flows
- Charlie Munger
- Feedbank IPO allotment
- Tata IPO allotment
- Most generous retirement plans
- Broadcom lays off
- Cibil Score vs Cibil Report
- Birla and Bajaj in top Richest
- Nestle Sept 2023 report
- India Equity Market